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[Part 8]: Cheating is Legal - Particle Man vs. Pretty Pete
[The pay per view reopens for a fourth time with the seconds scurrying to set up what appears to be a series of amps and instruments.]
Promo: Ladies and Gentlemen up next we have the match between Particle Man and Pretty Pete, but we seem to have some sort of live performance being set up here to our left.
[Fireworks explode as the sound of Kid Rock’s “Low Life” hits the air, but oddly enough, Kid Rock isn’t anywhere to be seen. Instead, Pretty Pete comes into view holding his microphone.]
Crowd: Pete! Pete! Pete!
Pretty Pete: Hold the music a second fellow’s. I have an announcement to make. It seems that with cheating allowed, no BACW referee was willing to be the official. So after a little convincing, I was allowed by Mr. Batee to pick a special guest referee for tonight’s match.
Crowd: [YEAH!]
Pete: Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you tonight’s special guest referee... my friend... KID ROCK!
Crowd: [POP!]
Pretty Pete: Hit the music!
[The band starts playing again as Pete points back to Kid Rock. Kid Rock is singing "Low Life" as he and Pete walk towards the ring and every time he says lowlife Pete points to himself and says it with him.]
Promo: You have to be kidding me. Mr. Batee allowed Pretty Pete to hire his own ref?
Cavenaugh: What do you expect from Batee? He's a troll, and trolls like to do troll-like things.
[Pete slides into the ring as Kid Rock climbs the steps. Once set up over the logo, Pete points to Kid Rock as he raises Pete’s hand.]
Crowd: [Mixed POP!]
Promo: The fans don’t know whether to cheer for Kid Rock or boo the fact that he is here on behalf of Pretty Pete.
Cavenaugh: I really could care less about Kid Rock!
[Hitting the last note the music comes to an end.]
Kid Rock: Thank you Hamemrstein!
Crowd: [POP!]
[The performance ends and Pete shakes Kid Rock’s hand before retreating into a neutral corner.]
Promo: Things don’t look good for our hero.
Cavenaugh: Why? I could pick meat out of teeth with someone like Kid Rock.
Promo: I'm not really sure how to react to that.
Cavenaugh: Then don't!
[The Particle sign goes up in the center of the ring.]
Crowd: [POP!]
[Gold fog pours over the entrance ramp and spills over to the studio audience. Golden laser lights form the image of Particle Man’s atom logo in the center of the ring. Universe Man comes out to a huge ovation from the crowd. He has the BACW World Tag Team Championship belt draped over his shoulder He makes his way down the aisle, rolls into the ring, stands in the center of the ring, and lifts his title overhead. He begins clapping rhythmically. The crowd soon catches the beat and claps along they then begin to cheer.]
Crowd: Par-tic-le Man! Par-tic-le Man! Par-tic-le Man.
[Over the loudspeakers the familiar trademarked sound when the letters THX are splashed across the silver screen plays. At the apex of the recording and explosion comes from the entrance ramp, and with a puff of blue and gold smoke Particle Man seems to float down from 10 feet above. “Particle Man” by They Might Be Giants blasts over the speakers and the superhero hits the ring. He handsprings onto the apron, then flips over the top rope landing and one bent knee. He tosses his cape aside. The fans go nuts as he reveals the tag belt strapped under his left arm across his heart like a bandoleer. The music stops.]
Stuffher: Introducing one half of BACW's tag team champions!
[Particle Man does a Superman pose in the center of the ring. The fans flood the ring with blue and gold streamers.]
Stuffher: This is Particle Man!
Crowd: [POP!]
Cavenaugh: This guy looks like he could get beaten up by a sponge if I asked him to wash my car.
Promo: I think my poodle weighs more than him.
Cavenaugh: What are you talking about? You're like 5 pounds heavier than this idiot soaking wet.
Referee: [Turning to Particle Man] Are you ready!?
Crowd: [Stomping]
Referee: [Turning to Pretty Pete] Are YOU ready!?
Promo: Both men nod... the bell has rung... and here we GO!
[Particle Man uses his lightening like speed to rush towards Pete, but the beautiful one lowers his shoulder causing Particle Man to bounce off his chest like he just ran face first into a force field. Fall to the canvas Pete uses this opportunity to humiliate Particle Man by gyrating his hips in the superheroes face.]
UM: Particle Man, no look up!
Particle Man: [Through dazed eyes] Holy Mr. ED! ... UGH!
[Pounding downward, Pete begins to stomp away at a shocked Particle Man and driving a knee into the center of the superheroes back, Particle Man clamps down into the fetal position.]
Promo: What a nice job by Kid Rock who continues to just lean up against the ropes.
Cavenaugh: Are you serious? The guy has no clue what he's even looking at!
Promo: He's staying out of the way, isn't that enough?
Cavenaugh: Do me a favor and don't pander to him Paul, it's disgusting.
Promo: Well at least the referee is impartial because he seems to be enjoying the action.
Cavenaugh: He should be enjoying the action from his seat like the rest of the fans.
[Back in the ring, Pete picks up Particle Man and whips him towards the ropes. Kid Rock sees the flyweight coming in his direction and tries to run out of the way.]
Promo: Here comes Particle Man off the nylon with a head full of steam!
[Pete rushes towards the 98 pound freak of nature looking to run him the hell over, but Particle Man counters the charge with a flipping cartwheel heel kick.]
Promo: Down goes Pretty Pete!
Cavenaugh: That sounded so wrong.
Crowd: [POP!]
Promo: Particle Man isn't going for the win, and slumping Pete over second rope, I think he's setting up the Particle Signal [619]!
Cavenaugh: Why do you have to call it that?
Promo: I don't know.
Cavenaugh: Exactly my point!
[Racing towards the ropes and swinging through while holding onto the top, Particle Man does a reverse 619 ramming his boney ass into the face of Pretty Pete. Flopping backwards onto the logo, Particle Man drops the bomb with a springboard leg drop from apron.]
Crowd: [YEAH!]
Universe Man: You cover, me hungry!
Promo: Hook of the leg with a cover and a count!
Referee: 1... 2...
Pete: [Clearing his shoulder] NO!
Crowd: [OOO!]
Referee: [Holding his fingers up] Two!
Crowd: [PM! PM! PM!]
Promo: Particle Man seems to have the crowd behind him now and let's see what he can do with this newly found momentum.
Cavenaugh: If I were Pete, I would just sneeze and get this over with.
Promo: Why do you have to be such a jerk?
Cavenaugh: Because it's in my nature to hate anything that's not as good as me!
[Tossing Pete into the ropes, the "Pretty One" ducks an attack from Particle Man who then puts on the breaks before he runs into the referee.]
Kid Rock: What the hell was that? I'm the referee! Don't you dare try to knock me down punk!
Particle Man: Fine citizen, you shouldn't be talking to a law abiding superhero like me in that manner.
Kid Rock: The heck did you say?
[Furious that the superhero almost ran into him, Kid Rock nails Particle Man in the face with a clenched fist causing him to fall to the mat.]
Universe Man: Cheating bad! Blonde skinny man - BAD! Universe Man teach lesson!
Crowd: [BOO!]
Promo: What the hell the official just cold cocked Particle Man?
Cavenaugh: We are talking about Kid Rock hitting you! That's like a 6 year old trying to knock you out. Don't believe the hype Paul, this guy's just looking for attention.
[Pete motions to Kid Rock to back up and picking up Particle Man from his side, Pete smiles sadistically pointing to his head as he walks around the ring.]
Crowd: [Ass-holes! Ass-holes! Ass-holes!]
Promo: Pretty Pete just told us how smart he was, but I didn’t think he was smart enough to pull anything over Mr. Batee’s eyes.
[Winding up his fist in windmill like fashion, Pretty Pete looks to knock Particle Man into a million atoms...]
Pete: What the...
Crowd: [YEAH!]
Promo: Particle Man with a surprise go-behind and reaching through the crotch rolls up Pete from behind!
Cavenaugh: Hand full of tights!
[Particle Man is going for the pin and Kid Rock's making the count...]
[CLICK!]
Crowd: [CHAOS]
Promo: The lights just went out and I can't see what's going on in the ring!
Cavenaugh: I can hear multiple voices and...
[CRACK!]
??????? ???: [UGH!]
Promo: What the hell was that?
Cavenaugh: I don't know but I'm pulling out my gun!
Promo: You have a gun?????
[CLICK!]
Promo: The lights have come back on and...
Crowd: [BOO!]
Promp: Belo is now in the ring and how the hell did he get passed Jeremy King's security team?
[Outside the ring, Universe Man is knocked out cold and lying besides him is a mangled steel chair. Inside the ring, Belo has Particle man on his shoulders and is about to hit a Death Valley driver.]
[THUD!]
Crowd: [OH!]
Promo: Where the hell did he come from and where is heck Pretty Pete?
Cavenaugh: Maybe Universe Man ate him?
Promo: Very funny!
[In the corner, Kid Rock continues to monitor the action apparently not stopping Belo from taking Pretty Pete's place.]
Crowd: [F-U Kid Rock clap, clap, clap-clap-clap! F-U Kid Rock clap, clap, clap-clap-clap! F-U Kid Rock clap, clap, clap-clap-clap!]
Promo: Belo picks Particle Man up by the mask again and...
Crowd: [BOO!]
Cavenaugh: Who the hell is that?
Promo: It's his tag team partner Mooi!
Cavenaugh: Moo? Like a cow?
Promo: No Mooi... and he's sliding into the ring with another steel chair!
Cavenaugh: They really need to check under the ring before these matches.
Promo: Mooi is handing the chair to Kid Rock?
Cavenaugh: This is so wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to start.
Promo: Kid Rock is climbing the ropes with the chair!
Cavenaugh: It's classic BACW! Finally some extreme action!
Crowd: [BOO!]
[Belo and Mooi both hoist Particle Man into the air and as Kid Rock comes off hard, he crashes the steel over Particle Man’s skull.]
Crowd: [Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!]
Promo: Where is Universe Man?
Cavenaugh: [Pointing to the front of the announcer's table] Down there...
[As Belo & Mooi parade around the ring ensuing the fans to riot, Exuwa, their manager starts to make his way down the ramp way. Behind him, he is followed by BACW owner Mr. Batee, Jeremy King and the REAL Universe Man holding a video recorder.]
Promo: If that's Universe Man, then who's this?
Cavenaugh: I don't who that it down there but it appears Particle Man knew something like this was going to happen and he pulled the ole switch-cha-rooney!
Promo: What the hell is going on here? I'm completely confused!
Crowd: [BOO!]
Mr. Batee: Hold on... hold on... just hold on a dang gab gone minute! Mooi and Belo you got involved in something that isn’t any of your business and ruined my pay per view match!
UM: Tell him me got tape!
Mr. Batee: But that statement is based on whether Universe Man here is telling the truth.
[Rolling into the ring, Mr. Batee motions for his head of security to join him.]
Mr. Batee: Jeremy and Universe Man get in there and get Particle Man out my sight.
[Moving in Batee holds the other team at bay.]
Mr. Batee: Don't even think about boys! Mooi, Belo and Exuwa, get back in that corner and listen to what I have to say.
[Jeremy slides into the ring as Universe Man climbs over the top ropes. Pulling Particle Man out, the seconds help him walk up the ramp and over to the medical team. With Particle Man now out of harms way, both men return to Mr. Batee’s side.]
Mr. Batee: Universe Man has given the production team a tape that he seems to think will prove that I have had more then one circumstance where Pete has pulled the wool over my eyes tonight. Pete, I don't know where you are, but I have a good idea. The jig is up Pete... Roll the footage.
[On the Oval-tron you can see Exuwa near a back exit looking around the area to make sure nobody is watching. Positive the coast is clear, he opens the back door and a man walks into the shot.]
Crowd: [Collective GASP!]
[It's Handsome Mike.]
Promo: Whoa folks he's not supposed to be on the premise.
Cavenaugh: I think Batee's blood pressure just when up a few points.
[Exuwa is then shown leading Mike into the Face of Perfection's locker room. Minutes later, Belo and Exuwa exit the dressing room. Now with them out of the picture, the camera travels towards the locker room and looking into the dressing room, we are shown Handsome Mike's street clothes on the floor.]
Promo: That would explain why we never saw Belo near Handsome Mike.
Cavenaugh: How the hell can anyone keep track of anything going on around here?
[As the plot unravels, the crowd gets more and more interested in what the owner is saying.]
Mr. Batee: So Mike, this means that you and Belo are.... ONE IN THE SAME!
Crowd: [BOO!]
Mr. Batee: That also means that Mike was never really injured and therefore he should have been fighting his own battles.
[Belo shakes his head and Exuwa denies the accusations made by Batee.]
Mr. Batee: Boys, don't try and sell snow to an Eskimo.
Promo: So Handsome Mike is Belo? Am I to believe that means Mooi is Pretty Pete?
[Mooi and Belo both seem confused and looking to Exuwa for direction, the manager nods his head. Ripping off their mask, it is indeed true; Belo and Mooi are Pretty Pete and Handsome Mike.]
Crowd: [BOO!]
Mr. Batee: That mean I have been writing four checks for two people, and that in itself should earn you to boys BOTH a very lengthy suspension!
Crowd: [POP!]
Mr. Batee: But you know what, I am not going to suspend you...
Crowd: [BOO!]
Mr. Batee: ...and I am not going to fire you either.
Crowd: [Louder BOO!]
Mr. Batee: Instead, I am going to let the fans and your next tag team opponents decide your fate.
Exuwa: [Growling] WHAT!!!!
[Pete and Mike whisper something to Kid Rock as their manager continues to protest.]
Exuwa: You fools think that you stand a chance against the Face of Perfection? The blood of this company has been spilt and it's time to pay for the sins you have committed. Jeremy King, whether you like it or not, I will take this company’s debt to me in the form of its flesh. Mr. Batee, I will pay you no respect for what you have done because you have done nothing for this companies brightest shining stars.
Crowd: You suck! You suck! You suck!
Exuwa: The Superheroes, they can continue to hold the titles until The Face of Perfection has regained its full strength. When the time comes, we will stand strong, and everybody will know who BACW's elite tag team are.
[Mike, Pete, and Kid Rock bail out of the ring and all three raise their hands in unison.]
Promo: I thought for sure we were about to see a brawl, but it seems that The Face of Perfection and their manager are heading towards the back.
Cavenaugh: This is the type of stuff that brings me back to the old school days of BACW.
Promo: How so?
Cavenaugh: If you want something, don't wait for Mr. Batee to give it to you, just come out to the ring and take it!
Promo: And there you have it folks, BACW vigilantism at its best! It's time to take another break but when we return, the barbwire ropes will be set up and it will be time for Todd Knight to defend his BACW New York State heavyweight championship against "The Lone Wolf" Jeremy King.
[Fade to commerical]
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