|
|
Oh you didn't know? [Part 6]
[Eyes blood shot and still stinging from the Jamaican jerk powder tossed into his eyes earlier in the evening, Mr. Batee stands by his bodyguard Jeremy King. Dabbling his eyes with a wet rag, he gazes down at Ross who proudly is now in possession of BACW's ultimate prize.]
Mr. Batee: Hold it! Hold it! G-damn it! Hold it! Right here and now!
Promo: After almost a decade of chasing BACW's championship, I hope Batee doesn't ruin this moment by stripping Chris Ross of the title.
E.D: If he strips him of that title, I'm taking off through the crowd because he is defiantly going to go hairy Carrie on the first person he sets eyes on.
Promo: You mean Har... [shaking his head] ... ah forget it!
Mr. Batee: [Shaking his head] Never in my wildest dreams as a promoter did I think I would see the day where Chris Ross would be BACW champion and I'm not going to lie to you Ross, I'm going to do everything in my power to remove that belt from around your waist!
Chris Ross: [Without a microphone] This is MY title!
Mr. Batee: Oh it's yours Mr. Ross... for now... but unfortunately for you, so is something else.
Chris: Ross: What's that Batee?
Promo: What Batee talking about?
E.D: I haven't the slightest clue.
Mr. Batee: Remember when I said you would be defending your NAWA International championship tonight? Anytime? Any place? Any where?
[Suddenly the crowd begins to rumble as "Dream On" by Aerosmith starts to play.]
Crowd: [YEAH!] Welcome back! Welcome back! Welcome back!
Mr. Batee: It's time Mr. Ross to defend your championship against one of the most vicious men to ever walk through our doors.
[With the lime green strobe making the formation of the Black Knight's insignia, Chris Ross slowly begins to walk down the backwards expecting the one and only living legend of BACW to come through the curtains.]
Crowd: Welcome back! Welcome back! Welcome back!
Mr. Batee: So Ross, as my one time nemesis once said, you next match is now, your title is on the line, so "Get Ready, Cus Here It Comes!"
[With Ross now in the ring, the arena is throwing into complete darkness and the chants of the crowd continue to fill the arena like an overflowing beer...]
Crowd: Snake! Snake! Snake!
[BOOM!] [BOOM!] [BOOM!]
Promo: This place has gone crazy!
E.D: I don't believe it, did Mr. Batee negotiate a new contract with Michael "Snake Eyes" Cavenaugh?
Promo: When the lights come on we are going to find out! I can hear Ross screaming in the ring and...
[CLICK!]
Crowd: [OH!]
Promo: I don't believe it!
E.D: Oh my God!! It's not Cavenaugh!
[Standing face to face in the center of the ring, the crowd shutters with fear as Chris Ross stares right into the eyes of "The Messiah" Ric Righteous.]
[SLAP!]
Crowd: [OH!]
Promo: Ric just slapping Ross in the face!
E.D: Ross responds missing with a wild haymaker!
Promo: Boot to the stomach!
E.D: Pull down of the head!
Promo: RIGHT MOVE STUNNER!
Referee: 1... 2...
Crowd: THREE!
Promo: Was that some kind of record?
E.D: I don't know but Ross just lost his NAWA title!
[Ding! Ding! Ding!]
Stuffher: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the contest, and NEW NAWA International champion! "The Messiah" Ric Righteous!
Crowd: [YEAH!]
Promo: Raising his hand and handing him the NAWA International championship Ric looks down on Ross and unloads a huge glob of spit right onto the center of his opponent's chest. Falling to one knee, Ric unleashes series of a machine gun punches before BACW's security hits the ring to stop the onslaught.
Crowd: Welcome back! Welcome back! Welcome back!
E.D: I don't know what to say!
Ric Righteous: [Taking the microphone] Spectre, this is your first warning! Get out of BACW because if I ever see you in a BACW ring again, I'll beat you up, just like I did this Hawaiian jobber! To everyone else in BACW, guess what bitches? I'M BACK!
[Slamming the microphone onto Ross, who's barely moving, Ric exits with a ora of arrogance even bigger than the last time he was here.]
Promo: Righteous has put the NAWA on notice, and since like my Co-Host, I'm at a loss for words too! So let's take a break! But when we return, listen to this! Mr. Batee has declared the tag team championship... our next bout.... to be held under loser leaves town rules! This means one team will no longer be part of BACW before the end of the night!
E.D: Mr. Batee promised to shock and awe, and so far, impressed!
Promo: I don't think he would go to these lengths on free TV, but speaking of Mr. Batee let's go into the back and see if we could get a word in with him...
E.D: Oh my God...
Promo: What?
E.D: Ross is getting up!
Finished the fight! [Part 7]
[We cut away from the announcers; we split your screen into two equal halves.]
[One half shows the resident maniac known as Chris Ross staggering out of the ring, and heading into the back.]
Chris Ross: ARGH!!!! BATEE!!! YOU'RE DEAD!!! DEAD!! DEEEAAAD!!!!
[Through the curtains and towards the chairperson's office, one of the BACW security guards steps forward.]
Security Guard: Mr. Batee is in a meeting right now and he cannot be…
Chris Ross: [CRACK!]
Guard: UgH!
[Ross head butts the guard in his face without slowing down at all. The security guard folds like an accordion.]
[SMASH!]
Ross smashes open the door without thinking; nearly ripping it off the hinges as he enters.]
E.D: Ross better watch himself.
[As Ross enters, Besolve and Mr. Batee are locked in a handshake across the desk.
Mr. Batee: I knew we could come to an agreement.
Darrel Besolve: So did I Br...
Chris Ross: I hate to interrupt the circle jerk, but you can’t be serious! What just went down with Righteous taking my NAWA title is NOT ok!!
Mr. Batee: First of all, you started this Ross not me! Second, I sign your checks so I highly suggest you relax or face my political wrath!
Chris Ross: I don’t need to relax, you need to relax! This is bullshit! What the hell happened out there Batee? He wasn't supposed to win! We talked about this! What the hell is up with this screw job?
Darrel Besolve: ...dolt...
[Besolve just smirks and shakes his head. Wholly believing that Ross is a complete idiot to trust Mr. Batee or anything he says or promises. Not wanting to get involved, Besolve starts to walk out of the office around Ross.]
Besolve: [Looking back] We’re set then, right?
[Mr. Batee nods, which seems to infuriate Chris even more.]
Chris Ross: HELLO! Does anybody hear me talking over here?
Darrel Besolve: [Deep breath] People hear you talking, kid; it’s just that no one cares what you’re saying.
Mr. Batee: Darrel please...
[With that, Darrel starts to exit, but is stopped by a Chris Ross shove…]
Chris Ross: What the hell did you just say to me, Has-been?
Mr. Batee: MR. ROSS!!!
Chris Ross: No screw that Batee, I think he just said something to me.
[Darrel laughs, then he holds up his right index finger.]
Darrel Besolve: I like that, Rossy, that tough guy act always works for BACW. Still, don’t ever touch me again, you little-nothing-of-a-human-being.
Mr. Batee: Fellas please...
Darrel Besolve: [Raising his hands] Fine Brad... I have bigger fish to fry anyway...
[He turns to leave again, but for a second time is shoved in the shoulder by the angry Hawaiian.]
Chris Ross: It’s Ross, not Rossy, not Chrissy, CHRIS ROSS. AND DON'T YOU FORGET IT!!!
Darrel Besolve: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and don’t I forget it. What the hell ever. I’m trying to be the bigger man, here, kid—have your angry talk with Brad, I’m leaving you alone.
[Getting nose-to-nose Ross is practically spiting in Besolve's face with each deep breath.]
Chris Ross: I don’t need you to leave me alone, you chicken-shit loser, you’re leaving because if you don’t then I will kick your ass.
Mr. Batee: Oh my...
Darrel Besolve: [Rubbing his chin] Chicken-shit lose huh?
[Besolve swallows hard. He has a match with Ulfric to think about. He starts to speak again, but then stops himself. He itches his right eyebrow, then point at Ross, but then, again, holds back. He exhales slowly, and then starts to walk out of the office.]
Darrel Besolve: You’re right, Ross, I’m scared to death of you. You’re the man.
[And with that, Besolve walks past Ross for a third time and out of the office.]
Ross: See, I’ve always told you that the old-timers you worship were afraid of me.
Mr. Batee: He was being sarcastic, Chris.
Darrel Besolve: [Under his breath] So much for the setting the standard around here.
Chris Ross: Huh?
Mr. Batee: You know something Ross… The fans have been clamoring for you to be champion for a long time, and I have fought it because I personally don't think you're half the man Besolve is now and definitely was back then. Sure you appear when booked, but what kind of relationship do you have with the people in the back? You don't talk to anyone, and the only time I see you is when your fist is coming into my face. So don't knock guys like Besolve for not giving you the time of day because in his eyes, you still haven't earned it!
Chris Ross: WHAT?!
Mr. Batee: Let me slow it down for you... Darrel Besolve is an international star and simply put, you are not!
Chris Ross: Darrel Besolve is a pussy who never gave me the time of day because he was SCARED!
Mr. Batee: You know, sometimes you're like the dumb dog who constantly eats his own dung!
[Without warning Besolve walks back into the room and interrupts Mr. Batee. The owner knew the arrogant ex-champion has never been able to turn down a challenge. Darrel doesn’t say a word—as soon as Ross looks at him...]
[CRACK!]
[...Darrel flat lines him with a right hand to the jaw. Falling to the floor from the intense punch, Ross quickly checks for loose teeth.]
Darrel Besolve: [Peering down with his fists still clenched] Who the hell do you think you’re talking to? I have SPARRED with better guys than you. You shit-for-brains little retard; I ought-ta kill your bitch ass for talking to me like that!
[Mr. Batee’s smile grows wider and like the Grinch when his heart grew, the owner chimes in.]
Mr. Batee: How about a match?
Chris Ross: [Looking up with crazy eyes] Right now?
[Before Batee can respond, Chris gets up and rushes Darrel bodying him up against the wall. Ross immediately throws wild punches and Darrel drops and elbow across the broad side of his back.]
Mr. Batee: HEY! HEY! YOU CRAZY SONS-O-BITCHES! NOT IN MY OFFICE! HEY THAT'S MY PICTURE WITH THE MEGA FREAK!
[SMASH!]
Mr. Batee: HEY!!!!!
Security: Okay guys break it up!
[Security guards storm the office dragging Darrel and Ross apart. As soon as they are outside the office, both men shrug off the security guards and begin to square off again.]
Mr. Batee: Fine! You boys want it like this? Have it your way at Burger King! Somebody get Mario Lane - this is an official match!
My Kingdom for a Crown [Part XX?]
E.D: I cannot believe that this is happening!
Promo: I know, this is like the new generation vs. the old one. Ross and Besolve, pounding away at one another!
E.D: No, I mean I can’t believe that this match is not on PPV: people would gladly pay for this— Mr. Batee shouldn’t give it away.
Promo: He's not giving it away, he using it to continue to wear Chris Ross down!
[Darrel Besolve is keeping a safe distance from Ross, who rushes in with little regard for his well-being. Besolve peppers him with a left and a right, then steps back with a textbook inside leg kick. Ross winces in pain. In response, he steps in trying a looping punch at Darrel. Besolve sidesteps the punch, slaps Ross’s hand away and counters with a left hook to the chin. Ross is stunned by the power behind the shot and Besolve steps forward for the first time with a right hand uppercut elbow.]
Promo: ROSS IS CUT ALREADY!
ED: Cut? He’s lucky he has any teeth left.
[Ross’s lip is split open and he staggers backward, holding his mouth. Utilizing what must be perfect space orientation, Besolve throws all his weight behind a right-legged side kick that smashes Ross in the forehead. The younger, less technically skilled opponent falls flat on his back from the shock and awe inspired by the ex-champion’s offensive efficiency.]
Promo: At this point Besolve is making a street fight look like a clinic on martial arts.
E.D: Get up, Ross!
[Without hesitation, the relentlessly motivated CR tries to pop up, but he is met with a smashing hammer fist to the wounded mouth. Ross’s head rocks back and smacks against the concrete floor. Darrel takes the opportunity to mount Ross and begin to rain down rights and lefts before the psychotic CR can regain composure. Chris swings his body to the left and right, but he is almost defenseless in this position as the ex-golden glove boxing champion unleashes a brutal assault. Three straight right hands in the mouth land flush and at this point, Ross is gushing blood from that cracked lip.]
E.D: I don’t think I have ever seen Chris Ross taken apart like this before.
Promo: We’ve never seen him in a fist fight with Darrel Besolve.
[In a bout of pure adrenaline, Ross squirms to his right and has to eat another looping right cross.]
Promo: Oh no! He’s giving up his back!
[With no rules stopping him, Darrel elbows Chris on top of the head as he is struggling to his feet and instead of buckling, Ross struggles harder. He gets to his feet even with Darrel behind him. Instead of committing to trying to lock in the leg hooks on a raging bull, Besolve lets him get to his feet and instead throws in one last elbow to the back of the head as Ross stumbles forward and free.]
Promo: What an amazing effort by Ross.
E.D: He’s a nutcase—they don’t feel pain like normal people.
Promo: Besolve is showing the patience that separates him from 99% of other fighters. He knows better than to over commit at the wrong time.
E.D: Besolve charges...
[THUMP!]
E.D: and walks right into a big boot!
Promo: Chris Ross finally has the advantage and he looks like he is going to use it for something nefarious.
E.D: Yeah, nefarious…or kick ass. Think about the audience, Paul, half of BACW fans drag their knuckles when they walk.
Promo: Only your fans.
E.D: You know your mother is the one who started the E.D. fan club, right?
Promo: You’re lying.
E.D: Look it up.
Promo: You’re scum, Eric.
E.D: Whatever, son of a knuckle-dragging momma.
[Grabbing Besolve by the back of the neck, the enormous Hawaiian chucks Darrel into the wall like a javelin. The ex-champion’s face hits the wall and he falls backward onto the concrete. His bell is rung and he appears to be having a hard time getting up. For some reason, Ross’s eyes light up like a child’s at Christmas and he rushes behind the corner and starts rummaging for something.]
Promo: I know the backstage area is riddled with items that Ross will happily turn into weapons, but what in the world could he be up to?
E.D: Something nefarious, perhaps? (Snickers)
Promo: I really hate working with you.
[All of a sudden a strange noise fills the air, it sounds like the pull of a start chain on a two stroke engine. When the engine doesn’t fire, the noise occurs again.]
[VAAAARRRROOOMMMM!!!!]
E.D: I always knew that to beat Darrel Besolve, Ross would need a chainsaw; but I never thought I would see the day.
Promo: Ok, after being dragged behind a motorcycle last TVMA, someone needs to get some help out here for Darrel Besolve if Ross goes Texas Chainsaw Massacre on him.
[WIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!]
[The roar catches Besolve attention and through groggy eyes, he sits up, backs into the nearest wall, and watches as Chris Ross runs around the corner with a weed whacker Texas Chainsaw Massacre style!]
Chris Ross: AAARRRGHHH!!!!!
Promo: What the hell is the matter with Chris Ross?
E.D: [Laughing] I think it's quite apparent.
[And cut is exactly what Ross has in mind, The Hawaiian Maniac swings the head of the weed whacker at Besolve, who luckily throws both arms up to cover his face. Each of Darrel’s forearms make contact with the whacker-wire and the momentum rips away small tatters of flesh from his guard.]
Darrel Besolve: [Looking up like it as a mistake] Jesus! Is that thing real!!!!???
Chris Ross: Come on meatball! It's all fake right? It's all fixed right?
Darrel Besolve: [Quickly tossing things in his way.] You stop right there!
Promo: This is sick!
E.D: I LOVE IT! Give him some more!
[Ross brings the machine downward and tries to slash Besolve stomach but it misses the mark. Still in pain and as a pure reaction, Darrel swats away the weed whacker with a garbage can lid, and Ross’s eyes grow huge with joy.]
Chris Ross: THE NAME IS CHRIS ROSS, BITCH!
[Ross is shouting as he brings the weed whacker up and into Darrel’s stomach.]
[WIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
[Besolve, a master of defense, reaches forward and grabs the machine’s stem to divert some of the impact. Still, there is enough contact to strip away a small strand of flesh and the waterworks begin to trickle down Besolve’s abdominal area.]
Chris Ross: AND DON’T YOU FORGET IT!!!!
Promo: What a lunatic.
E.D: I won't forget it!
[Besolve jerks the weed whacker forward and missing, smashes it into the wall. The plastic head and cutter crack from the impact and the stem bends, rendering the machine completely useless and without the cutter head, the engine stalls out.]
Promo: Besolve is out of one jam, but he looks the worse for wear.
E.D: Why is Ross so angry when it comes to Besolve?
Promo: Ross has a deep resentment for Darrel’s fame and legendary status. He believes that Darrel stole a lot of his thunder for the destruction of the Black Knights because although Mike Cavenaugh ran from a fight with Darrel—Chris Ross did kill Jack Kraven in the ring. Because of his massive inferiority complex, he thinks that anything he does is unfairly overshadowed by Besolve’s enormous legacy.
E.D: I think that's only fair for Ross to feel that way because like most other wrestlers in the NAWA and in any organization for that matter, no one likes the fact that Darrel will always be the number one name in any federation that he chooses to enter. With all of that in mind, Ross throws down the gauntlet and Darrel, who’s Achilles’ heel is his Irish temper, can’t say no.
[Ross, like any wild animal, knows when to stay pressing for the kill. He lets Besolve get to his feet and then punches him in the mouth with a less-than educated right hand. Still the sheer brute force sends the Olympic Gold Medalist reeling toward the concession stand. Fans are gathered, not many are in their seats watching the ovaltron, instead they stand where the action is. Ross kicks Darrel in the chest and the ex-champion gasps for breath. Security is keeping the fans at bay as Besolve stumbles right in front of the boxed-candy display. Then, like he was waiting for this place all along—Ross grabs Besolve…]
Promo: HE CAN’T BE THINKING WHAT I THINK HE’S THINKING…
ED: This is Chris Ross, Paul—HE IS!
[WIPE OUT THROUGH THE CONSCESSION STAND GLASS!!!]
Promo: HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!
E.D: With all due respect to Havok—that’s hardcore.
Crowd: Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling!
[Besolve’s back has minor cuts on it and some blood leaks onto the juicy fruit gummy worms beneath him.]
Crowd: Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling!
[Ross lifts him up and sends him head first into the popcorn machine.]
Crowd: Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling!
[Besolve seems to have regained his wits a bit and reaches up to the top of the popcorn machine. As Ross lunges in, Darrel rips the cast iron butter pan from the top of the machine and gives Chris’s chest a splash.]
Chris Ross: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
Promo: OH MY GAWD!
E.D: The name’s Jiffy Pop, don’t you forget it!
[Ross staggers backward, clutching his chest from the possibly burning contents of that butter pan. Besolve steps forward and with a downward, looping blow cracks the pan against the skull of Chris Ross. Ross’s eyes roll back into his head as he falls to his hands and knees and starts to crawl away from his attacker.]
Crowd: This is awesome! [clap clap clap-clap-clap] [clap clap clap-clap-clap] [clap clap clap-clap-clap]
Promo: Ross is in real trouble. Talk about a turn around.
Crowd: This is awesome! [clap clap clap-clap-clap] [clap clap clap-clap-clap] [clap clap clap-clap-clap]
E.D: I know, it’s like when your parents found out that you WEREN’T gay…nobody would have believed it.
Crowd: This is awesome! [clap clap clap-clap-clap] [clap clap clap-clap-clap] [clap clap clap-clap-clap]
[In the background, fans are desperately trying to grab souvenirs of boxed candy with Darrel Besolve’s blood on it. Besolve tosses the pan aside. He flexes back and growls. He holds both his hand out, palms down, and snarls at the blood leaking from both his forearms. Then his face contorts into a mask of pure hatred when he reaches up and wipes the blood from his forehead.]
Promo: This is bad for Ross. Real bad.
E.D: What? You think he’s pissed?
[As Ross crawls, Darrel leaps into the air and comes crashing down with all his weight onto the right hand fingers of Chris. The pop is sickening and resounds through the entire hallway.]
E.D: Chris better have a lady friend because that hand ain’t gripping anything tightly anytime soon.
[Ross screams out and clutches his hand, rolling onto his back and trying to scoot away to buy time. Besolve leaps into the air again, but this time throws himself like a missile over Ross’s legs toward his face to deliver a Superman punch directly to the jaw. He lands in a huff atop Ross and instinctively wraps his legs under for a mounted body scissors. With Ross stabilized and hurt, Besolve begins to unleash a lifetime’s worth of punching knowledge. Rights, lefts, elbows: every time that Chris gets his hands up to block a particular area of his face, Besolve throws a shot from a different angle.]
Promo: Chris is absolutely EATING those punches.
E.D: HE’S BUSTED OPEN!
[A straight elbow strike lands above Ross’s eye and the eyebrow ridge rips open. Blood from the cut is pouring into Ross’s eye and impeding his vision. Without a single other option for himself, Ross rolls over onto his stomach…]
E.D: Oh, Chris, NO!
Promo: He’s just given up his back to the greatest fighter who ever lived. The body scissors means that Besolve will transition easily to full hooks.
[Sure enough, Besolve clamps in the leg hooks on each side leans forward; straightening Chris’s body out onto the concrete. Once he has the position, Besolve leans up at the lower back and begins raining down punches to the back of Ross’s head and the sides of Chris’s face. Ross’s arms are flailing at the sides, but there is no way to cover up in this position; so each shot is landing with maximum velocity. When Besolve transitions his punches to elbows, the top of Ross’s head is cut open and, after about three hammering blows—Ross’s arms stop flailing.]
Promo: He’s out! This is over with. Stop the damn match.
E.D: This wasn’t a wrestling match to begin with, Paul, but I agree; somebody needs to call Besolve off before he kills Ross.
[Having completely lost himself in the fury of pain and revenge; Besolve just keeps punching and elbowing Ross, despite his clear unconscious defenselessness. On cue, referee Mario Lane dives at Darrel and tries to knock him off Ross. The much smaller man does little to change the position, but his presence seems to snap Besolve out of his blind rage.]
Lane: [Catching Besolve’s vision] It’s over, kiddo, he’s out.
[Darrel gets up slowly, looking down at both his hands. The knuckles are all cracked open and bleeding from the amount of punches it took to finish the game Hawaiian Warrior. Knowing he has a match with one of the most dangerous men in the world, the NAWA World champion, he can’t help but shake his head as he walks away. If only he could just let a fight go; but he can’t and now…now the main event will be closer than he anticipated.]
Promo: Look at the fans; not a single person has gone back to their seats. They are standing in awe of one of the most brutal matches in recent memory.
Crowd: This is awesome! [clap clap clap-clap-clap] [clap clap clap-clap-clap] [clap clap clap-clap-clap]
ED: He just beat Chris Ross have to death; why do they like him so much?
Crowd: This is awesome! [clap clap clap-clap-clap] [clap clap clap-clap-clap] [clap clap clap-clap-clap]
Promo: Ten years is a long time, Eric.
Crowd: This is awesome! [clap clap clap-clap-clap] [clap clap clap-clap-clap] [clap clap clap-clap-clap]
[Besolve spins to look at his idolizers and smirks. As he walks away, he waves passively waves at them.]
Promo: Folks, we aren't going to break and due to TV time limits, it's time to immediately go into the ring for our next contest.
BACW Tag Team Championship [Part 8]
The Superheroes (c)
Vs.
The Beautiful People
[Ding!] [Ding!] [Ding!]
Stuffher: Ladies and gentlemen, this next bout is for BACW's Tag Team championship! About to come down the isle are the challengers. Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, you wish you looked like them... The Beautiful People!
[“Beautiful People” by Black Eyed Peas blasts the speakers as Pretty Pete walks out to the ring by himself. Pete walks slowly down the ramp mocking the fans as he approaches the ring. Reaching the bottom of the ramp there is a huge boom heard over the speakers.]
PA: [In a loud booming voice] EX-UWA!
Crowd: [BOO!]
Promo: Here come the NAWA World Tag Team Champions and wow do they look great!
[Ding!] [Ding!] [Ding!]
Stuffher: And now for BACW's champions...
[Gold fog pours over the entrance ramp and spills over to the studio audience. Golden laser lights form the image of Particle Man’s atom logo in the center of the ring. Universe Man comes out to a huge ovation from the crowd. He has the BACW Tag Team Championship belt draped over his shoulder He makes his way down the aisle, rolls into the ring. stands in the center of the ring, and lifts his title overhead. He begins clapping rhythmically. The crowd soon catches the beat and claps along they then begin to cheer.]
Crowd: Par-tic-le Man! Par-tic-le Man! Par-tic-le Man.
[Over the loudspeakers the familiar trademarked sound when the letters THX are splashed across the silver screen plays. At the apex of the recording and explosion comes from the entrance ramp, and with a puff of blue and gold smoke Particle Man seems to float down from 10 feet above. “Particle Man” by They Might Be Giants blasts over the speakers and the superhero hits the ring. He handsprings onto the apron, then flips over the top rope landing and one bent knee. He tosses his cape aside. The fans go nuts as he reveals the tag belt strapped under his left arm across his heart like a bandoleer. The music stops.]
Stuffher: Introducing BACW's tag team championships! First weighing in at over the mass of 40,000 paper clips and standing nearly at a colossal 5 feet 5 inches he is The Particle Man.
[Particle Man does a Superman pose in the center of the ring. The fans flood the ring with blue and gold streamers.]
Stuffher: … and his partner weighing more than all previous BACW title holders combined and twice as tall as the biggest bird on Sesame Street, he is the Universe Man!
[Universe Man jumps three times and strikes a double bicep pose. Various snack cakes go sailing into the ring.]
Stuffher: They both hail from The City, USA . They are THE SUPERHEROES!
[Turning, they both re-enter the ring where Particle Man and Universe man now stand. Sliding under the ropes and coming from behind, they spear the superheroes to the ground!]
E.D: Wow! Pete just knocked Universe Man to the canvas!
Promo: He tripped over his cape Eric, wake up and smell the halls of justice!
[Immediately both challengers stand up and start shoving each other arguing over who is starting he match. Universe man is up and comes towards both men who in turn blast him with closed fists. The big man wobbles but refuses to yield any ground.]
Referee: Someone get out of the ring! 1... 2... 3...
Particle Man: Holy two on one!
Promo: These men can’t decide who should start and Universe man just paid the price for getting in their way.
E.D: Paid the price? Nothing happened to the fat bastard!
[Exiting the ring, Mike finally gives settling down on the outside apron.]
Promo: Inside the ring, Pete takes the lead for the challengers and charging Universe Man, the Pretty One is catapulted into the air via a mammoth back body drop!
[THUD!]
Crowd: [WHOA!]
Pete: [Arching] My baaaaack!
[Picking up Pete, the massive hero unloads up with THREE rib breakers and tagging in Particle Man, the little guy goes for the ladder. Setting up in the ring, Pretty Pete kicks out the rung dropping PM to the logo with more than enough time.]
Referee: TAG!
Promo: Back into the ring comes Universe Man and folks; I believe frequent tags just might be the trick to keeping their opponent's off balance.
E.D: Universe Man has finally started a match and I want him to see him do a lot of defensive big man spots!
Promo: Like what?
E.D: Like shrugging off blows and swatting away drop kicks. The man might be large but he's built like a brick shit house.
Promo: Maybe they will be smart and every time Universe Man hits a high impact move, they are going to allow Particle Man to go for the belts?
E.D: For a complete idiot, that's a great plan.
[Back in the ring Pete has still yet to tag and holding his head on the canvas, Universe Man follows up the three reverse head butts he inflicted just moments ago. Dragging Pete back into the upright position and applying a bear hug...]
Universe Man: ARRRGHH!!!!
[CRUNCH!]
Crowd: OH!
Promo: Universe Man just crushed Pete into the corner and he's motioning to the crowd that he's going to do it agan!
Crowd: [POP!] One more time! One more time! One more time!
E.D: That's two!
Crowd: [OOO!]
Promo: Leaves one more!
Crowd: [DAMN!]
E.D: Call it a foursome and look, it's a 400 pound Spine Buster!
[CRAAACK!]
Pete: [Eyes rolling in the back of his head] AAAAARGH!
[Reaching out, Universe Man makes the tag.]
Referee: [TAG!]
Promo: Tag into Particle Man and here he comes... Spring board elbow drop!
Crowd: [YEAH!]
Promo: Universe Man slides in a new ladder and getting halfway up...
E.D: Particle Man is pulled down by Mike who enters the ring illegally!
Promo: Particle Man with a series of rolls...
Crowd: [Stomping]
[Reaching into his corner, Particle Man offers up another lightening like tag.]
Particle Man: [Holding his head from the impact] Keep it up ole chum!
Referee: Universe Man is legal!
Promo: Hard chop stops Pete in his place and into a bear hug goes the challenger. Three charges to the corner, and then ending it all with a 400 pound spine buster for a second time? I'm not sure how Pete is even breathing right now.
Universe Man: Back at you boss.
Referee: TAG!
E.D: Pushing off the ropes, it's a double team by the champions!
Referee: 1... 2... Only one man in the ring at a time... 3...
Crowd: [NO!]
[The champions leap into the air, and Pete does a baseball slide avoiding the double drop kick. Universe Man shakes the canvas like an earth quake, and following up, Pete scissor kicks Particle in the sternum.]
Referee: TAG to Mike! [Struggling to roll Universe Man out of the way.] Get out of the ring UM!
Promo: Irish whip into the champion's corner and why would Mike be doing that? Particle man is hurt!
[Following up the brutal thud, Mike forces Particle Man to tag in his groggy partner.]
E.D: Universe Man is in big trouble now.
Referee: Universe Man is legal!
[Mike and a sluggish Universe man start battling it out with lefts and rights but Mike finally hits a skull shattering DDT that sends Universe man down to the mat hard!
Promo: Mike has got an opening and I wonder what he's going to do with it?
E.D: He's going to smash Universe Man over the head with it!
Promo: Here comes the tag to Pete but Mike decides not to go through with it leaving his partner completely stunned!
Pete: [Holding out his hand] What are you doing?!!! TAG!!!!
[Pulling Universe man up by this mask, Mike drags him to his feet and taunts Universe Man with a slap to the face. Reaching back, Mike hits an earth shattering clothesline and surprisingly, Universe Man finally folds onto the logo in reverse Ric Flair-like fashion. Moving the ladder back into place, Mike tries to secure the win.]
Universe Man: [Getting up on all fours] ME LIKE JOB!
[THUD!]
Crowd: [OH!]
Promo: Shoulder tackle into the ladder and Mike topples to the ground!
Crowd: UM! UM! UM!
Promo: Over in the challenger's corner, Pete looks extremely anxious to get tagged and the crowd is desperately trying to get behind Universe Man.
Crowd: UM! UM! UM!
E.D: It's not hard to get behind him, he's just really difficult to push! Besides, hitting that ladder shoulder first has to really hurt. I doubt he's 100% right now!
[Pete removes the cover to the turnbuckle while the ref is checking on a confused Universe Man who continues to explore "La La Land".
Promo: What is Pete doing?
Crowd: [BOO!]
ED: Well you knew Exuwa was going to make an appearance sooner or later.
Exuwa: [Pounding the canvas] Get the belts! CLIMB!
Promo: Mike looks at Exuwa and points to exposed turnbuckle in his own corner.
Crowd: [BOO!]
[Sitting against the turnbuckle and acting like he's hurt, Pete tags himself in! With all the delay, a recovering Universe Man gets to his feet and as Pete argues in his corner with Mike, Universe Man looks for the big splash!]
Promo: Look out!
Crowd: [OH!]
E.D: The big man kisses the steel and stumbling backwards...
[Pete charges from the side and hits a huge jaw cracking super kick. Down goes the champion for an unprecedented second time.]
Exuwa: [On the outside] YYESSSS!!!!
Promo: Pete is going for the title and UM is going for the tag!
Referee: TAG!
[Particle Man steps into the ring and off the ladder, Pete drills him with a flying clothesline!. Irish whip into his corner and Pete looks for the tag.]
Referee: TAG!
Crowd: [BOO!]
Promo: It's Mike's turn to fly off the ladder and taking Particle Man down with a flying bulldog, Pete has something to say to Mike and that allows Particle man to roll across the ring making the tag!
Referee: TAG!
Crowd: [YEAH!]
E.D: Here comes trouble!
Promo: Universe Man rams the ladder into both men and that sends them over the top rope and down onto the small mats.
E.D: Here comes Particle Man off one of the discarded ladders!
Promo: High flying suicide dive hits the mark and the fans are going crazy!
Crowd: You're hardcore! You're hardcore! You're hardcore!
Promo: Particle Man has the "Atomic Noogie" on Pete!
Pete: AAAHH!!!!! MY HAIR!!!!
[Pushing Mike back into the ring Universe Man motions for Particle Man to ascend the ladder once again. Particle Man climbs to the top, leaps in the air and does a 360 degree corkscrew landing down on Mike with a hard elbow to the chest.]
Crowd: [YEAH!]
E.D: The Particle Grenade!
Crowd: [OH!] Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!
E.D: Wow! I’ll give him that one.
Promo: How effective was the grenade?
[Entering the ring with a steel chair is EXUWA and smashing UM on both knees, he cripples to the canvas.]
E.D: I don't know but UM was just hit with steel chair and the referee is being distracted!
Promo: Into the ring comes Pete and look at this, both he and Particle Man are climbing at the same time!
[Quickly scaling their side of the ladder, Particle Man and Pete grabs the titles and yanking them off their hooks, the bell begins to ring as a confused crowd can do nothing but look on.]
[Ding!] [Ding!] [Ding!]
Promo: The referee is calling for the bell and folks this one is over!
E.D: But who won?
[Ding!] [Ding!] [Ding!]
Stuffher: Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the contest by pin fall, and BACW Tag Team Champions! BOTH Particle Man and Pretty Pete!
Crowd: [Confusion!]
Exuwa: YOU IDIOT!!!
Promo: On the outside, Exuwa is furious and right in front of us, Pretty Pete is practically in tears.
E.D: What does this mean?
[Ding! Ding! Ding!]
Promo: By order of the rules, Mike and Universe Man have been banned from BACW!
Crowd: [BOO!]
Promo: Once again I'm stunned but from the opening in-ring by Mr. Batee, you knew this show was going to continue to entertain. Folks its time for our final break, but when we return, settle in because NAWA World Heavyweight champion Rick Ulfric is going one on one with former WeWA World champion, Darrel Besolve. We will see you in a few...
E.D: Think Particle Man is going to as UM to move out of their apartment?
Promo: I don't know!
Click HERE to continue show
|
