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Main Event
BACW Heavyweight Championship
Matt McClain (C)
vs.
Darrel Besolve
Main Event: BACW Heavyweight Championship
Matt McClain vs. Darrel Besolve
Micahel Stuffher: Ladies and gentlemen, this next bout, is for the Bad ASS Championship Wrestling’s Heavyweight crown!
Crowd: [YEAH!]
[The lights in the arena go out and a golden fire arises from the entrance way as Matt McClain’s music starts to play and the crowd begins to boo very loudly.]
Promo: If McClain had his way, the next hour of this Pay-Per-View would be dominated by his entrance. Listen to the people chant Eric, they don’t want this guy to retain the title.
Crowd: AASS-HOLE! AAASS-HOLE! AAASS-HOLE!
Matt McClain: [Pointing into the crowd] Screw you all!
Crowd: [Louder BOO!]
Promo: The fans are now pummeling the ring with trash and I don’t think that pair of middle fingers is helping with their reaction. Stretching on the ropes, McClain stares towards the entrance and awaits the arrival of Darrel Besolve.
ED: The hell crawled up his ass and died?
Promo: I’m no fan of the crippler, but it is the ultimate slap in the face for the champion to enter the ring first.
ED: Matt McClain is beside himself, and you can tell its eating him alive.
[The lights go dim in the arena.]
Promo: The lights have gone down and it’s time to greet The Boy Wonder himself!
[Then, all at once, the blue and gold laser lights pour in from all angles and dance over the crowd. Each ticket holder is on his or her feet, the concession stands are empty, and the bathrooms are bare too.]
ED: I can’t believe it; all eyes are on the entrance ramp.
Promo: We haven’t felt anticipation like this all night. I mean, is he really going to do this? Is he really coming back to BACW?
ED: Apparently that’s what his contract says.
Micahel Stuffher: About to enter the arena, he is one of the most decorated men in professional wrestling history and holds the prestigious honor of being in BACW’s Hall of Fame. From Edmore Michigan, he is “The Boy Wonder”… Get on your feet and greet, Darrel Besolve!
[Then, much to the delight of the crowd, the familiar and almost ancient guitar riff hammers out over the speakers at a high decibel. As one, the crowd starts to scream and shout along with Ozzy Osbourne’s voice.]
#I AM IRONMAN
[On cue Team Besolve files out from the back beginning with Teddy Valentine. He is wearing a black suit, a red undershirt, and a black tie with the word “Genius” written down the center in white lettering.]
ED: Now there is a real journalist.
Promo: [Rolling his eyes] Give me a break.
[Next to file out, in a testosterone-pleasing cheerleading outfit, is the one and only Alexis Besolve. Her cascading red hair frames her angelic face and she raises both hands in the air and waves to the crowd. The black cheerleading outfit has a crimson colored “B” on the front and the skirt harkens back memories of the girl whose legs you remember, but you could never get with in high school.]
ED: Now that’s a pair!
Promo: Yes, Teddy and Alexis form two-thirds of Team Besolve.
ED: I’m talking about her, numb nuts.
Promo: That isn’t very nice.
ED: Fag.
[Then, from the back, comes the man of the hour. The boy who built BACW enters in a long, flowing, navy blue ring robe that covers him from neck to toe. As he stops at the top of the ramp, all the laser lights that had been randomly dancing in the crowd point in a single direction upon him. Smirking at the loudest pop of the night, the Boy Wonder spins.]
Crowd: Welcome back! Welcome back! Welcome back!
Promo: [Fighting the chant] I can…barely…hear…myself
Crowd: Welcome back! Welcome back! Welcome back!
[The back of his robe is encrusted with blue sequins that spell out the name “Darrel Besolve”. Then, as they have done so many times in the past; they take the team march. Teddy leads the way, walking about five steps in front. Then, arm in arm, Darrel and Alexis follow. He gives high fives to the side of the crowd he is on, and Alexis does the same for her side.]
Crowd: Welcome back! Welcome back! Welcome back!
ED: I am not a fan, but you gotta love the way this guy milks it. He’s gonna get every last bit he can outta this crowd before the bell even rings.
Promo: There is a reason Batee goes to him when we are in need of a spark.
[Teddy circles the ring, all the while staring at Matt McClain. Darrel and Alexis stop at the lower right corner of the ring and she stands behind him. Holding his arms out at his sides, he smirks brightly at Matt in the ring. Alexis reaches around him and removes his belt, and then she grabs the robe by the shoulders and pulls it off in one fluid motion. As she does, the corners explode with blue and gold pyrotechnics.]
BOOM!
BOOM!
BOOM!
BOOM!
Crowd: [YEAH!]
Promo: Good Gawd! Besolve looks like he is carved out of stone. Maybe even like Brad Pitt in Troy! He’s a built like a Greek God.
ED: Total and complete fag. You have no man points left. None.
[Besolve turns and kisses his wife before making the ascent alone up the steps. He gets into the ring through the second and third ropes and shakes hands with the referee. Without any fear of Matt at all, he steps to the center of the ring and spins slowly to admire the crowd. Satisfied with the adoration, Darrel then walks back to his corner, grabs the top ropes and begins his elaborate pre-match stretch.]
Promo: Some opponents say that he just does this to get under their skin.
ED: And this announcer says he does it so Fagulas like you can get a better look at his “stone body”.
Promo: I hate you, Eric.
ED: [Snickers]
Promo: Keep laughing Eric. Well as both men begin to circle the logo, the referee turns to the timekeeper and calling for the bell, here we GO!
[Ding! Ding! Ding!]
[Circling the canvas, both men dive into a push and pull collar tie which leads to McClain forcing the action into the far corner. Immediately going for a choke hold, Teddy protests from the floor as Besolve gasps for air!]
Teddy Valentin: [From the floor] Illegal choke!
Referee: 1… 2… 3… 4…
[Before the count of five, Matt breaks the hold and thrusting his arms into the air, the champion immediately rakes the eyes of the challenger refusing to break clean. Locking his arms around the waist of a blinded Besolve, McClain pulls off an impressive belly to belly suplex skidding Darrel across the canvas!]
ED: Besolve physically looks great but as you can see from that move by the champion, you just can’t discount the fact that he’s been out of the ring for almost two years.
Promo: Wrestling is like a riding a bike, you never forget how to ride.
ED: Or like having sex.
Promo: You’re so crass!
ED: Only when I’m drunk and horny.
[Lifting the challenger to his feet, McClain delivers a swift kick to the stomach and spinning around his opponent, executes a beautiful German suplex.]
Crowd: [BOO!]
[Irish whip into the ropes and it's the champion who gets off another offensive move in the form of a nasty head butt!]
ED: Down goes Besolve and up goes McClain to the top ropes!
Promo: He's calling for his a layout head butt and slamming his head right into the balls of the challenger, McClain hooks the leg for an easy 1.. 2.. 3!!!!
ED: What they hell?
Promo: Matt McClain is an animal!
ED: And you're a jackass!
Referee: Two, only two, continue the match!
[Holding up two fingers, the referee yells two and match continues with Besolve trying to dust off the cobwebs.]
Crowd: [CHEERS] YEAH!
Promo: Off the canvas and into a side Russian leg sweep and that keeps the champion in control.
ED: McClain has his offense on full blast and Besolve is having a tough time turning down the volume.
[Motioning towards Alexis Besolve, McClain yells, "This is how a real man performs in the ring," and climbing to the top rope again, it's Besolve who rolls out of the way of a second layout head butt.]
Crowd: [YEAH!]
ED: The crowd is pro Darrel Besolve and this might be the intangible factor here tonight!
Promo: I don’t believe winning the title is the hardest thing you can do in BACW, it’s retaining it in future matches that really offers the challenge.
ED: I would just pin myself and move on with my life if I was Besolve, but as you can see, it's a matter of pride when it comes to this overachiever.
[Besolve shakes off the hurt and closing in begins to deliver a series of double axe handles to the back of the champion shoulders. Pounding down on McClain’s spinal column, it's Besolve who goes for an impact DVD but McClain counters with a reverse DVD of his own! A shaken Matt McClain gets to his feet and tumbling into a rolling knee to the forehead, the champion is once again in complete control with an explosion of moves!]
ED: Hooking the leg, this one’s over! Besolve’s shoulders to the canvas for the one.. two..
Besolve: [Clearing his shoulders] UGH!
Crowd: [OH!]
Referee: [The referee signals two and the bout continues] Two, only two!
Crowd: [Clapping]
Promo: Off the canvas and into a scoop slam and McClain makes another cover! 1.. 2..
ED: I think he got him!
Besolve: [Kicking out] ARGH!
Referee: [Holding up two fingers] TWO!
Promo: With the challenger getting his shoulders up at the count of two, the match continues in the upright position with Matt now tossing Darrel into the ropes hard.
[Bouncing off fast on the rebound, Besolve counters with a Theisz Press and crowd starts to cheer!]
Crowd: [YEAH!]
Promo: Punches in bunches to the side of the champion’s head and its Darrel Besolve this time that pulls McClain off his back!
ED: OH! Follow up swinging neck breaker and man did you see the twist in that move! I hate his guts but that’s classic Besolve.
[Teddy yells for Darrel to turn up the heat and Besolve nods in agreement. Cranking McClain up into a gorilla press position, the challenger tilts Matt forward slamming him over the top rope and down to the concrete floor!]
[SPLAT!]
Matt McClain: [Arching his back in pain before quivering] UGH!
Crowd: Daaa-rel! Daaa-rel! Daaa-rel!
Promo: Through the ropes and off the apron with another hard double axe handle, and pulling McClain to his feet, Darrel bends an injured champion against the apron and unleashes a flesh tearing chop!
Crowd: [WHOOOOOOOH!]
Ed: Swinging neck breaker again finds the small mats and McClain better figure out how he’s going to handle a resurging challenger.
Teddy Valentine: [Calling directions from the floor] Move set five!
Alexis Besolve: [Clapping] Come on baby!
Promo: Besolve pulls back the small mats and WOW! DDT onto the concrete and I think McClain’s busted open much to the delight of the crowd.
Crowd: [YEAH!]
ED: Think? He’s bleeding like a stuck pig!
Promo: Right now Matt McClain is in serious danger of losing his title but if Darrel Besolve doesn’t get back into the ring, he’s going to get counted out!
[Zooming in close, we see McClain is definitely busted open and with Besolve still in control, the crowd starts to get behind the hall of famer.]
Crowd: Daaa-rel! Daaa-rel! Daaa-rel!
Referee: 6… 7….
Promo: Rolling the champion back into the ring, Besolve follows with a text book shoulder breaker and dropping to one knee, the referee slaps the mat for the one… two… three…
ED: THREE?
Crowd: [OH!]
Promo: Kick out by McClain and this match is STILL going on!
ED: Who's going to end it?
Promo: Discus punch cripples the crippler but McClain is fighting back to his feet with the aid of the ropes. McClain might be getting his ass handed to him in a hand basket but look at the heart he’s showing for these BACW fans. He’s getting to his feet and waving on Besolve!
ED: BESOLVE BLASTER!!!!!!!!!
Promo: McClain falls into the corner turnbuckle and Teddy Valentine is now up on the apron screaming at the referee that McClain just went into his tights.
Teddy Valentine: He’s got a foreign weapon!
Referee: GET OF THE APRON VALENTINE!
[The referee is calling for Besolve to back up and it's McClain over his shoulder with a sucker punch that rattles Darrel from head to toe.]
Teddy Valentine: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
Referee: FOR THE LAST TIME, GET OF THE APRON VALENTINE!
Alexis: TEDDY STOP!
[Finally dropping down from the apron, Valentine’s distraction has given McClain time to conceal the object and closing in on the challenger; Matt tries to uncork a killer brain buster but Darrel counters!]
Promo: Folks, I don’t know that I have ever seen a wrestler of the caliber of Matt McClain so physically dominated as I have seen him dominated tonight at the hands of Darrel Besolve.
ED: Besolve is definitely warmed up and controlling the action right now, don’t be surprised if the “The Crippler” makes one more offensive run.
[Scooping McClain up into his arms, Darrel throws him over his shoulder and pumping his free hand into the air, the crowd begins an anticipatory pop as Darrel plows forward with a charge.]
Crowd: [Stomping]
[Gaining a full head of steam, Darrel throws himself at the turnbuckle and smashes Matt’s prone body between him and the padded steel. Twisting his body weight, he then drops forward into a devastating power slam.]
Crowd: [YEAH!] [Clapping.]
Promo: Trendsetter! Trendsetter!
ED: Get out of the ring, Matt!
Promo: Darrel grabs both his legs by the ankles!
ED: MATT!
Promo: Get the VCR fired up, folks, we are about to see history here because Besolve is going for his Deal Breaker!!!
[Darrel crosses Matt’s legs and steps over his body putting his knee on the back of McClain’s neck stretching his body in the shape of a half-moon. Darrel locks in his Deal Breaker [Elevated Texas Cloverleaf] and this immediately puts Matt in an incredible amount of pain.]
Crowd: [Stomping]
McClain: AHHHHHHHHH!
ED: He’s gonna break him in two pieces! Look at the torque he’s laying on him! This is worse than the night that chick tried to get me into Kamasutra!
Promo: The referee is right on top of the action; but Matt is awfully close to the ropes.
ED: Very true, but that foot and a half seems a lot more distant when you have somebody trying to snap your spine!
[McClain, a veteran competitor and hardened battler, reaches out and grabs the ropes.]
Crowd: [BOO!]
Referee: Break the hold Besolve!
Promo: What a lucky break.
ED: Besolve’s timing hasn’t been off since the beginning of this match, but that was a rookie mistake putting on a submission hold that close to the ropes.
Referee: I said break the hold Besolve! 1… 2… 3… 4…
[The referee calls for Darrel to break the hold and, sure enough, he complies.]
ED: Besolve releases the deal breaker but continues to move in like a heat seeking missile.
Crowd: Let’s go Darrel! Let’s go Darrel! Let’s go Darrel!
Promo: McClain stumbles to his feet shaking his head no!
ED: He’s punching back!
Promo: Besolve returns fire and so does McClain.
ED: Where is Matt getting this strength from I just don’t know!
[Darrel reels back, putting all his weight on his back foot, and then lunges forward with a right hand to the chin. Matt’s legs wobble and falling flat on his ass, his lights nearly go out as the crowd rumbles in place.]
Crowd: [POP!]
Promo: Just as the Crippler seems to gain the advantage for the first time tonight—Besolve counters with a right hand that would have stopped a Mack Truck.
Crowd: [OOO!]
ED: JESUS!
[Growling with anger, he kicks McClain in the stomach hard enough to double him over. Locking in a front chancery; the crowd starts to go absolutely insane…]
Crowd: Daaa-rel! Daaa-rel! Daaa-rel!
Promo: We all know what’s coming now.
ED: Somebody from the back get out here! Help Matt McClain for gosh sake!
Promo: No one’s going to help this guy!
[But, with no help coming, Darrel hoists Matt high into the air.]
Promo: WOW! The referee took one hell of a shot from Matt’s feet! He’s down!
[Besolve holds him in the vertical suplex position for a few long seconds; then he throws his body into the air at a 90 degree angle for a sky-rise DDT.]
Promo: LIGHT OF JUDGMENT! LIGHT OF JUDGMENT! This match is over!
[Besolve hooks the leg and waits.]
ED: The referee is out cold, Genius.
Crowd: 1…2…3!
Promo: Besolve finally sees the referee’s collapsed frame near the corner.
Crowd: 1…2…3!
ED: These idiots can count to a hundred, Matt isn’t kicking out—but it doesn’t matter!
[Besolve goes to check on the ref by kicking him gently in the side and looking up from his slumber, the man in stripes is slow to get back to his senses. Besolve hooks the leg again…]
Crowd: 1…2...3
Promo: Matt still hasn’t moved a muscle.
[The referee, seemingly taking an eon to recover, slings himself near the competitors.]
Referee: 1…
ED: This is the slowest count I have ever seen!
Referee: 2…
Promo: He’s got him!
Referee: 3!!! NO!
[The referee waves it off, saying that Matt barely got his shoulder up at the last second.]
ED: YES! YES! YES!
Promo: His shoulder wasn’t up!
Crowd: [BOO!]
[Suddenly the crowd starts to rumble as head referee Mario Lane comes running down to the ringside area. Sliding under the ropes, he starts calling for the bell and confusion immediately sets in.]
Crowd: [BOO!]
Promo: What the hell just happened?
ED: I’m not really sure Paul; I’m as confused as you are.
Promo: The match has come to a screeching halt, and inside the ring, our head referee Mario Lane is explaining something to referee in charge.
ED: It definitely appears that there is a serious debate going on with the count we just witnessed. I can’t stand Besolve but I don’t think McClain kicked out.
Promo: Oh boy, Mario Lane is calling for the championship belt and I think it’s safe to assume someone won the match.
[Ding! Ding! Ding!]
Michael Stuffher: Ladies and gentlemen, the head referee has informed me that after further review, Matt McClain did NOT get his shoulder up in time. Therefore, he has awarded the bout to the winner, and NEW Bad ASS Championship Wrestling, Heavyweight champion! “Darrel Besolve!”
Crowd: [YEAH!] [POP!]
Matt McClain: [Falling to his knees and pulling on his bleach blonde hair.] WHAT!
Head Referee Mario Lane: [Extending the belt] I believe this is yours Mr. Besolve.
[Climbing the turnbuckle with an “I told you so” smile, Besolve points to the cheering fans.]
Crowd: Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling!
[Taking the title in both hands, Darrel kisses it in Tour De France style and winks at Teddy before telling his wife he loves her in sign language.]
Alexis: [As the camera picks up a single tear running down her cheek.] I you too baby. I love you too… [Sobs of joy.]
Teddy: [Hugging Alexis] YES!!! He did it again! [Jumping up and down with Darrel’s wife in his arms.] He’s untouchable Lexi!
Alexis: [Feeling a bit mauled but extremely happy] I know Teddy… [Giggles] I know!
[Before team Besolve can get into the ring, McClain rips Besolve down from the turnbuckle and the two once again begin to exchange punches.]
Crowd: Aaass-hole! Aaass-hole! Aaass-hole!
[The title falls from Besolve’s hand and as the champion and former champion take the brawl to the canvas. Going at it tooth and nail, they continue fighting through the ropes and over to the railing with McClain screaming.]
McClain: AAAHHH!!!!
[And just as Alexis grabs a handful of Matt’s hair and Teddy lands a sucker punch that doesn’t do much to slow McClain down, a red hot Mr. Batee appears on the Oval-tron. McClain pushes Alexis into railing and Teddy immediately abandons the attack to help BACW’s first lady.]
Mr. Batee: HEY! HEY!
[The two continue to brawl not listening to anyone or allowing the security team to pry them apart. Besolve fires off a few punches over the shoulder of one of the guards and the crowd has completely melted down from aftermath.]
Mr. Batee: GOD DANG IT I SAID HEY!!!
[Those comments are loud and clear and finally get to the two to stop. Now in the middle of both men is a sea of security trying to keep the peace so Mr. Batee can talk?]
Mr. Batee: Seems to me we have a new champion.
Crowd: [YEAH!]
McClain: Screw that Batee! You know I wasn’t pinned! What kind of bullshit is this? Did you set me up?
Ringside Fan: [Leaning over] Get over it McClain you woman beater!
Matt McClain: [Pulls the fan over the railing and begins to kick him in the head.] The hell did you say?
[Security immediately swarms in again as the law enforcement personnel now become involved.]
Promo: That’s going to draw a lawsuit.
ED: It’s called the wrestlers domain Paul and that fan just entered it.
Crowd; Assshole! Assshole! Assshole!
Mr. Batee: Calm down people… Give me a second to respond to Mr. McClain’s accusations.
Crowd: [Settles down]
Mr. Batee: Mr. McClain, if I truly wanted to set you up, I would have had someone come down to ringside and show you the REAL meaning of the word betrayal. But that’s honestly neither here nor there…
Darrel Besolve: [Now with a microphone] Just tell him the truth Brad! He’s an embarrassment to BACW and this belt! I’m the only one who can lead us to a NeWA World title.
[Batee takes a deep breath.]
Mr. Batee: Darrel please, you’re not making this easy right now. See fellas I have two ways to go with this one. I could allow Darrel to keep the title since referee Mario Lane has the power to veto any decision made in the ring. Mario says according the video tapes; Darrel is the clear winner fair and square.
Crowd: [YEAH!]
Mr. Batee: Or I could give the title back to you Matty and call this one a wash.
Crowd: [BOO!]
Matt McClain: [Reaching for the belt] That’s a great idea! Give me my belt back!
Mr. Batee: But you see guys, here in BACW we have a motto that the title needs to change hands only when fantastic victories or glorious defeats occur. Right now, I have been given neither.
Crowd: [Rumbling]
Darrel Besolve: Tread lightly Brad. I left you once and I’ll do it again if I smell another screw job.
Crowd: [BOO!]
Mr. Batee: Don’t tell me what to do Darrel.
[Wanting to chime in, Matt snatches the microphone away from Beoslve.]
Matt McClain: SEE! See Batee! I told he was a troublemaker! Two years of loyalty Brad! I never demanding anything like this ego driven guy just did.
[Darrel takes back the microphone.]
Darrel Besolve: [Pushing McClain out of the way] Me? I just carried your ass in that ring for…
Mr. Batee: ENOUGH! Referee, please take that title from Mr. Besolve, he not BACW’s Heavyweight champion.
Crowd: [BOO!]
Matt McClain: [Holding out his hands.] You made the right call Batee!
Mr. Batee: In the same breath, Matt you are also not BACW champion.
Crowd: [YEAH!]
Matt McClain: THE HELL!
Mr. Batee: No folks, in one months time we are going to have a single elimination tournament called The Sinister 16 in honor of Steve Sinister a wrestler who was killed in a car accident some 7 years ago. Everyone seems to be claiming they are the best, but I’m not convinced either of you can stay healthy for an extended period of time. See there are guys like Orge Lambart, Sam Natas, Randy Acorn, and Chris Ross who always seem to be looked over when it comes to the heavyweight crown. Now since Darrel was officially given the title before I took it away from him, he will be the number one seed!
Crowd: [POP!]
Mr. Batee: You Mr. McClain will be seed number two…
Darrel Besolve: [Pushing McClain in the side of the head] I’ll see you in the finals!
[The two jostle back and forth until McClain once again takes hold of the microphone.]
Matt McClain: You know what Batee? How about if I’m seed number nothing? See I’m tired of bullshit like this taking place and I would much rather try my luck as a free agent in another promotion. So like the song goes, take this job and shove it – I QUIT!
Mr. Batee: YOU WHAT?! JESUS CHRIST, CUT THIS FEED! CUT IT NOW!
[Static]
[Dropping the microphone on the floor, McClain exits to a very hostile response.]
Crowd: Asss-hole! Asss-hole! Asss-hole!
Promo: I’m shocked and completely stunned! Matt McClain has just quit BACW; Darrel Besolve who was considered the champion for a split second is also not our leader. The Sinister 16 announcement and what about Spectre’s shocking surprise?
ED: I feel like I gave birth to Spectre!
Promo: Folks I’m at a loss for words, and fortunately for me, we are our out of time! On behalf of BACW, our sponsors eWrestling.Org, and owner Mr. Batee, good night and we will see you all next month for our annual Sinister 16 tournament when we will once and for all, crown a brand new BACW Heavyweight champion!
[We fade the show on a blood crusted Matt McClain as he walks into the back for what could be the last time in BACW history.]
end TVMA Live
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