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[Focusing on the “Mr. Batee” doorplate, you can barely make out what sounds like grunting mixed in with muffled voices. From behind the green door, you take notice of what appears to be an indecent proposal.]
Mr. Batee: What do you think of that offer Roxy?
[ZIP!]
Roxanne: [Giggle] It’s a pretty big opportunity.
[Bizarre shuffling and random sounds can be heard.]
Mr. Batee: Oh BAAAAAAAAC Dub Ya!
Roxanne: [Playful giggling] Enjoy the… [Giggling] Brutality…
[A few seconds later the door to Mr. Batee’s dressing room opens from within and Roxanne exits clicking the knob behind her with a gentle tug. With a devilish smile, Logan readjusts her double D fun bags inside her tight, referee halter top. Tapping the name plate with her perfectly manicured red nails, she cautiously bits the tip of her free hand.]
Roxanne Logan: Nothing is ever what is seems huh Batee? [Wiping the corner of her mouth] Apparently, that’s definitely true when it comes to you. [Giggling] It’s about damn time I earned my title, “Queen of Hardcore!”
**CUE OPENING**
“E” Wrrrestling “DOT” “ORG!” Step up to me, step up to me want to be a big time player, not to be…
[The music introduction kicks in and BACW’s 2006 highlight reel begins to rumble across your screen. Next, an explosion rocks the marquee of Righteous vs. Spectre and cues in our ever present host for the evening. Panning around the arena from left to right and then doing a double take right to left, we gyrate down to our ringside area where Paul Prominiski is sitting side by side with special color commentator for the night, “Crazy” Chris Ross.]
Pop! Pop! Pop!
BOOM!
BANG!
[Zooming into the announcer’s table, we are officially underway.]
Crowd: Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling!
[The familiar chant rings out throughout the Mohegan Sun was BACW’s “2006 Ways to bleed” kicks off with a bang of pyrotechnics and an arena filled with smoke.]
Paul Prominski: Hello everyone and welcome to the sold out Mohegan Sun located in Uncasville, Connecticut! I’m Paul Prominski AKA The Promo Machine, and along side me tonight doing the color, will be former multi-time BACW TV champion wrestler, “The Hawaiian” Chris Ross. How are you doing tonight Chris?
Chris Ross: [Turning to the crowd] WIPE OUT! WIPE OUT! WIIIPPPEEE OOOUTT!!!
Crowd: BOO! Asshooole! Asshooole! Asshooole!
Promo: [Stunned and startled] Please don’t do that again, it’s not only disturbing, but borders along the line of semi-retarded.
Ross: [Dejected] Yeah, I often get that reaction from people who don’t understand my compulsive ways.
Promo: O-kay... [Long uncomfortable pause.]
Ross: [Cheesy smile.] Aloha! [Finger wave.]
Promo: Anyway, tonight we…
Ross: [Interrupting] Can I say hello to someone?
Promo: [Throws his pen in the air] Why not Chris? You’ve already ruined the opening of the show, so why not just go full tilt and continue to drive the ratings into the ground.
Ross: Great! You’re the best Promo. This shout out goes to my best friend in the world Todd “Knightmare” Knight and all his rapping fans… Dude, I miss you so much in BACW, but not in a gay way or anything. You know what I mean right. Like, I don’t like men; I mean I have guy friends but…
Promo: [Slamming his hands on the table] That’s it! ENOUGH! I’m Paul Prominiski and in tonight’s main event history will be made when BACW and eWrestling.Org will unify both of their titles settling the 6 month long controversy of which champion is top dawg here in WWA’s Northeastern region. It’s no secret that Righteous and Spectre have a great deal of dislike for each other, and once this title yields a clear BACW Heavyweight champion, I believe the animosity between both of these men, will become even worse.
Chris: [Index finger] Can I talk again?
Promo: Not until I cue you in. [Points to card]
Chris: [Reading like a 3 grader] Now Chris, you have wrestled Ric…
Promo: THAT’S MY LINE!
Chris: But you…
Promo: [Grabbing his temples.] ARGH!
Chris: [Patting Promo on the back] Are you okay?
Promo: [Tossing his arm off] I was! Anyway, Chris… you’ve wrestled Ric Righteous before and I have to ask, do you think he’s the best BACW has to offer?
Chris: [Pointing to his cue card] Read this?
Promo: [Tearing the card into pieces] Forget about the cards! Just give me your opinion of Ric Righteous already! Jesus! Joseph and Mary!
Chris: Well… when I saw Ric in the back, he was using these rubber elastic bands and they were making his muscles bigger. Not as big as mine but it’s not like I’m looking at his muscles or anything. You know… like I said…
Promo: [Digging into his pocket] Stop! Stop! Stop! How about I give you some money to go get us something to eat?
Chris: [Jumping up] COOLIO! [Headset chord not long enough] UGH!
Promo: Now get lost and please feel free to browse the snack stand menu. Oh and Chris… there’s no need to rush back.
Chris: Thanks man!
Promo: Now where was I? Oh yes, moving past the main event let’s review the bizarre…
More… Hu… man than hu… man
Crowd: YEAH!
[Paul is interrupted without even the slightest chance of introducing the rest of the card as “More Human, Than Human” by White Zombie blares through the speakers igniting the crowd into frenzy.]
Promo: [Throwing his cards into the air] I guess everyone in BACW is making their own schedule tonight and folks, I’m about pummeled into submission.
[The lights fade and a single red spotlight paints the curtain that hangs in the entryway. Images of the former WWA Extreme Champion flash over the Oval-tron to the right of the entry as the song continues to play.]
Crowd: Let’s Go Lee Riel! Let’s Go Lee Riel! Let’s Go Lee Riel!
[Smoke billows out from behind the curtain and filling the entryway in a haze, the fans get their wish. Bursting through the curtain and into the blood red spotlight is a very pissed off looking Lee Riel still dressed in his street clothes. The Canadian WrestleGod’s hair is tied back in its trademark ponytail, his body clad in a blue button down shirt and a pair of tan slacks as he walks to the ring with a purpose. Not slapping the hands of the fans as usual and not making any poses, he slides into the ring and as he stands to his feet he pulls a microphone from the back of his pants.]
Riel: Normally a little troll comes on out here dressed like a Good Humor Ice Cream Man with his raspy voice from smoking too many , well let’s just say they’re not exactly cigarette and they don’t really get smoked if ya know what I’m saying. Anyways the littlest scumbag runs on out here and rambles off his little catch phrase, it goes a little something like.
[Clearing his throat.]
Promo: Well this sure won’t be the first time the owner has been mocked and I’m sure it’s not the last either.
Riel: *Ahem* BAAA [breath] AAACW! HA! HA! HA! It’s Me! It’s Me! The walking STD of the high wrasslin planet!
Crowd: (laughter)
Riel: More Powerful than a Twinkie!
Promo: This is certainly going to draw a fine for Lee Riel. Hasn’t anyone learned that mentioning Mr. Batee’s name on TVMA is like calling out “The Candyman”!
Riel: Able to leap small puddles in a single bound! And I’ve seen him do it, quite impressive.
Crowd: [Chuckle]
Riel: It’s a Bird! It’s a Plane! It’s the most overrated piece of crap in the world today! Welcome to our home! Welcome to our show! And by the power invested in me by the people that buy my overpriced, greed induced tickets! The always faithful and passionate BACW fans… Welcome to 2006 Ways for me to bleed your pockets of money!
Crowd: [Chuckle]
[Lee stands tall in the middle of the ring, huge shit eaters grin across his face as he looks around the frenzied crowd.]
Crowd: Bad ASS Wrestlin! Bad ASS Wrestlin! Bad ASS Wrestlin!
Riel: [Motioning for the crowd to calm down] Now that the fun and games are all finished, it’s time to get a little bit more serious. As you all may have read, heard, seen or known by some other mystical means myself and our benevolent owner have not exactly been getting along since, well we’ve never really gotten along too well but it’s been far more obvious and heated as of late, ever since I called Colonel Sanders a corporate kiss ass back at Behind Blue Eyes.
Crowd: [Cheers]
Riel: I guess it’s just a case of the truth hurts because the little weasel proved my very point by stealing my Ewrestling.org title with his accomplice Sam Natas, THAT VERY NIGHT!
Crowd: [BOO!]
Riel: It wasn’t the first time Batee had stolen a title from me and as you all know it wasn’t the last either. I stood up to him, I refused to throw away all my sacrifices and hard work so he stole those things from me and got his wish, making the title I had made mean so much a worthless piece of tin around the waists of Sam Natas and The Spectre.
Crowd: Sam sold out! Sam sold out! Sam sold out!
Riel: He did sell out! You people loved him! You cheered for him! And once he became famous, he abandoned you for Batee’s version of corporate America! Since then, he and Mr. Batee have buried me in the mid-card, buried me to do commentary, and buried me on his own with a pile of trash talk on news boards! Press releases and interviews, you name it and he’s done it to me! He’s stolen a good portion of the money I’ve earned from events outside of BACW and used it to bring in the likes of PAIN, Enheiri and the money grubbing selfish prick I used to call friend himself, Darrel Besolve.
Crowd: Besolve sold out! Besolve sold out! Besolve sold out!
Riel: You’re damn right he did, but I’ll get to him later. Batee used me to pump and dump up his Extreme title division and then tried once again to steal that belt from me too! He’s treated me like a second rate hooker and I am sick and tired of being screwed night in and night out, tired of my friends turning against me, tired of having my hard work be for nothing and tired of being misused! Because of my actions, the dirt sheets have reported I’ve asked for my release… a way out of my contract… and out of BACW.
Crowd: Please don’t go! Please don’t go! Please don’t go!
Riel: Don’t worry people, I’m not going anywhere! But let me ask you this question… What would you do if your boss had you picking up trash when you should be running the company? Would you quit and go run another company? I bet most of you would, but lucky for you, Batee denied my request; he knows what my name is worth and how badly other people want me. I have stacks of contracts sitting at my house from companies in and outside of the WWA, I could go anywhere I want to but BACW is my home and I’m glad, I’m thrilled my request was denied, because in a moment of anger I almost gave up my fans, my hard work and my legacy for that bastard.
Female In Crowd: I LOVE YOU LEE!!!
Riel: All the ladies do baby but there’s only one of me to go around… [Looking down at his pants] I could have retired and part of me wanted to announce that tonight, but my mind has been changed. If BATEE wants me in BACW, if he wants to force me to uphold my contract if he won’t let me leave, won’t let me go, well he’s got his wish because I’m staying put, right here, in BAC F’N W.
Crowd: YEAH! Bas ASS Wrestlin! Bas ASS Wrestlin! Bas ASS Wrestlin!
Riel: But as the old saying goes, be careful what you wish for because Batee, you have screwed me way too many times! You’ve taken titles from me, achievements from me and it’s about time I gave you a receipt, in the form of a little pay back. You want to mess up my career path, my plans, and my future? Well I’m going to destroy your plans and YOUR FUTURE before you get to destroying mine! You should have stayed under the bridge Bats, you should have stuck with pestering the kids who wanted to cross, you should have kept within your realm, stayed on your level and most importantly, you should have NEVER crossed me!
[Riel’s teeth grit with anger as he spits out his venomous spiel.]
Riel: Trying to taking MY Extreme world title was the last straw, and now you’re going to pay! I’m going to bury you in a place far worse than the mid-card. I’m gong to take things away from you far more precious than title belts! I am going to bury you beneath your own sadness, and I will take your pride. I will punish you by succeeding and I will make damn sure you fail miserably.
[Riel is pacing back and forth at a break neck speed within the ring ropes.]
Riel: And Darrel this goes for you too! I know you’re at home sitting on your huge, white horse. Smiling at me in your shiny new white suit of armor and wagging your finger at the TV screen casting your light of judgment on me and these fans. Darrel, don’t pretend to be more than you are because all your career you’ve been nothing more than a scheming, conniving, manipulative little bitch. You dare to judge me while you sit on your high horse? You dare to label me unworthy to be Extreme WORLD Champion? Well you keep your cheap victory; you protect it with all the might and shield it with your lance that’s clearly overcompensating for something else! I will bide my time, because when you least expect it, I’m going to hit you where it hurts.
Crowd: Let’s Go Lee Riel! [Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap] Let’s Go Lee Riel! [Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap] Let’s Go Lee Riel! [Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap]
Riel: Just like Batee, I will rape you of your pride outshining you, outclassing you, and outdoing you! I’m the one they come to see now! ME! Deal with it Besolve, because you’re no longer BACW’s future… you’re their past!
[Riel continues to speak but his audio has been cut as he frantically searches for another mic.]
Promo: Lee Riel has clearly overrun his time out here, and it appears Mr. Batee has finally caught wind of this unscheduled segment. Ladies and gentlemen, Lee Riel has rolled from the ring and he’s bringing a steel chair back into the ring! I guess this means the extreme world champion isn’t going to be run out of dodge!
Ding! Ding! Ding!
[The music of PAIN blares through the airwaves and as MACE and Trespass head towards the ring, Lee Riel digs his heels into the logo. Entering through the ropes, Lee sneers at PAIN gripping his folding chair with a vice like fist.]
Promo: Trespass is ordering Mace to charge and the big man immediately rumbles towards Riel!
Mace: [CLANG!] Ugh!
[Blasting MACE in the skull with the chair, his huge legs quiver but the blow doesn’t send the big man down!]
Promo: Trespass from behind!
Trespass: [CLUNK!] Gugh!
[Riel follows with a shot to big brother Trespass, and that massive blow knocks Trey out cold. Lee turns back to MACE, not seeing him down, tosses Mace the chair! Cranking into a full 360, Riel levels Mace with a picture perfect VanCANADAtor! Blubbering onto the logo with blood streaming down his face, Mace and Trespass lie side by side motionless as the crowd continues to go crazy.]
Crowd: Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling!
Promo: Leaping to the top turnbuckle, and jumping up into the air, Riel comes down on P.A.I.N. with a double Highlight of the Night! Rolling from the ring…. Hey… That’s my headset!
Riel [Screaming but out of breath]: Batee, McClain, Besolve, you’re time is up! As far as these two lazy idiots go, Orge, consider this an early Christmas present from your friendly Canadian Wrestle-God… “Absolute” Lee Riel! Nuff Said!
[Riel slams the headset down on the desk.]
Promo: WOW! [Putting his headset back on] What fiery words from WWA Extreme World Champion Lee Riel! Folks, the lights have gone out and whether PAIN is ready or not, here comes “Beast Master” Orge Lambart!
Crowd: YEAH!
[The lights go dark, and a hazy white light fills the ramp way as the crowd gets to their feet. A series of flashing red lights sprinkle into the mist and as Scars by Papa Roach begins to blare over the PA system; we prepare ourselves for the entrance of BACW’s North Eastern Regional Champion.]
Promo: Would you listen to this place go nuts for Orge Lambart?! When did this guy get so popular?
[Emerging from the backstage area is Orge Lambart, wearing his newly won NE championship strung over his left shoulder. Followed behind Orge is his manager The Preacher.]
Promo: Through 2006, Orge Lambart has solidified himself here in BACW as one of men who bring the fans to the arena night in and night out and if you don’t believe me, listen to this reaction.
Stuffher: Coming to the ring and weighing in at 270 pounds, he stands 6'5 and hails from Philadelphia PA… He is BACW’s North Eastern Regional Champion! “The Beast Master” Orge Lambart.
[Rubbing his hands together in a greedy fashion behind the champion, The Preacher looks into the crowd with a bizarre stare through his white face paint and black eyeliner. Climbing into the ring, Orge ignores the crowd and makes his way toward the crippled tag team of PAIN.]
Promo: Listening to this crowd’s response and Orge’s reaction to their cheers, I think Orge actually likes taking on the role of the good guy. Look folks, as a hated foe, Orge Lambart has come close to winning big one here in BACW on several different occasions, but on each of those occasions, he couldn’t seal the deal for one reason or another. Perhaps with the crowd now behind him, and Orge’s conscience clear, he just might be able to take that next big step, up BACW’s ladders of success.
[Picking up Trespass from his back, Orge motions for the Preacher to set up a table on the floor of the arena. Asking the crowd if they want to see something extreme, the place blows a fuse and cranking Trey up into power bomb position, Orge runs the length of the ring tossing Trespass off his shoulders.]
CRRRERACK!!!!!
Trey: UGH!
[Splintering the table into pieces, Trey completely destroys the wooden surface hitting the concrete with a sick, sadistic SPLAT!]
Crowd: Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit! Holy Shit!
Promo: God Lord all mighty! Trespass’s career in one swift move, has been completely and utterly terminated! Not moving among the rubble of what used to be a table, the crowd is right, Holy Shit indeed!
Ross: [Returning from the snack stand] Hey did you know they had corn dogs!
Promo: Corn what?
Ross: [Opening hand] Yeah, I need another dollar.
Promo: [Frustrated] Take $10! Take it all! Just get… Hey what’s that smell?
Ross: [Smelling his hand] Farts I think…
[Turning with toilet paper stuck to his shoe, Ross exits as quickly as he came while Mace inside the ring, Orge finally breaks the Boston Crab he’s been applying to Mace.]
Crowd: [Stomping]
Promo: Fans, with the initial help of Lee Riel, the champion has now created a one on one situation and it appears to be going from bad to worse. Under the bottom ropes, The Preacher has slid in a barbwire table and this might be the end of the team we once called P.A.I.N. Setting it up in the corner, the crowd continues to rumble and this can’t be good for Mace.
[Scooping the blood caked Mace up by the head, Orge takes hold of his pants, and shirt collar. Starting at the far corner of the ring, Orge charges forward and throwing Mace into the barbwire table midget style, Mace splinters the weapon of extreme into a mass of twisted metal and shattered balsa wood.]
Crowd: YEAH! You’re hardcore! You’re hardcore! You’re hardcore!
Promo: Immediately pulling Mace from the wreckage, Orge hooks the leg for the one, two, three and calling for the bell, Orge Lambart has successfully defended his regional championship!
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Stuffher: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the bout by pin fall, and still BACW Northeastern Regional Champion! “The Beast Master” Orge Lambart!
Crowd: YEAH!
Promo: Well even without the help from WWA’s Extreme World Champion Lee Riel, the regional champion certainly did look impressive here tonight! With the medical team tending to both PAIN members, it’s time to…
[The lights begin to flicker as Wagners "Ride Of The Valkryies" begins to play.]
Promo: What's going on now?
[Orge looks around The Sun surprised as a man dressed in a black suit, and wire rimmed glasses appears from behind the curtain with a microphone.]
Crowd: You Suck Dick! You Suck Dick! You Suck Dick!
Promo: Folks, it seems to be Bathasar Guldsen, the manager of...
Einheri: [Ripping down the curtains] ARGH!!!!
Crowd: BOO!
[A large Nordic man dressed in black tights, woolly boots, leather arm guards, steel cap and a steel shield emblazoned with the iron cross now appears behind Bathasar.]
Promo: As The Einheri approaches ringside, Orge begins to exit the ring and I don’t blame him! Wait a minute fans, Bathasar looks like he wants to greet the champion face to face, and he’s asking Orge, to get back into the ring. This is debut of Einheri is becoming more and more intriguing.
Crowd: BOO!
Bathasar: Excuse me Mr. Lambart.
[Orge pauses as Guldsen snickers.]
Bathasar: I am Bathasar Guldsen…
Crowd: BOO!
Bathasar: And this man… Well Mr. Lambart… he is your destruction!
[The cackling from Bathasar doesn’t amuse Orge or his Preacher but you can tell from their cautious look, they aren’t taking the threat lightly.]
The Peacher: I don’t know who you think you’re talking to, but…
[The Einheri steps in front of Bathasar and with one clubbing chop to the Preacher’s head, knocks him out cold. Orge charges with the championship belt cocked back, and driving the steel into the face of Einheri, the monster shows his yellowed teeth. Shaking his head no, Orge lays rights and lefts into the unmoving Einheri but all the shots prove to be ineffective.]
Promo: It's not fazing him!
[Bathasar gets into Lambart’s face and Orge takes step back!]
Promo: Look out!
CLANG!
Orge: UGH!
[The crowd erupts into boos as The Einheri smacks Orge hard with his steel shield and the regional champion drops to one knee.]
Promo: I can't believe that didn't knock Orge out cold! And can you believe it; Orge Lambart won’t give into this monster of a man!
[The Einheri slams the edge of the shield into the back of Orge's neck and finally crippling to the canvas like a piece of limp spaghetti, Lambart shakes like he’s going into a seizer.]
Bathasar: Hold my monster!
Crowd: BOO!
Bathasar: [Retaking the microphone] Ah, the jeers from the filth that make up this country’s melting pot of refuse. You people think that this country with its fable roads of gold and high hopes is so austere and perfect? It is nothing compared to the Land Of Thule. My future kingdom! This country has been robed by the tired, poor and wretched. That whore of a women that holds the golden lantern is nothing more than a beacon to the worthless.
[Bathasar sneers at the fallen champion as the crowd continues to boo.]
Crowd: AH! AH! AH!
Bathasar: So Mr. Lambart, what do we think of our inferiors now?
Einheri: GRR!!!
[The Einheri pulls Orge off the ground and nails him with a cut throat DVD.]
Bathasar: The Mjölnir will be the downfall of you all! OF YOU ALL!!!! Is there a man who is brave enough in BACW to come fight my Einheri? Who will be my next example because it’s apparent the one they call McClain has tucked tail and ran from my beast!
Crowd: Asshooole! Asshooole! Asshooole!
Promo: Well as the trash begins to rain down on Bathasar, and his Einheri, someone really needs to tend to the injured and blood covered Orge Lambart. Pacing back and forth in the ring, I’m not sure who’s going to answer this open challenge by Bathasar but I have been told that a very upset Matt McClain hasn’t tucked tail and ran, but rather he has been waiting in the parking garage apparently looking for Darrel Besolve. We don’t want to miss a second of this so let’s go to the back and see what the Crippler’s up to!
[Inside the Parking Garage]
[Matt McClain has been waiting for the last 2 hours for the arrival of one Darrel Besolve. A look of pure anger and resentment resides on his scowled face as the cold begins to set in. Even with his Oakley sunglasses on, you know that he is about to boil over in anger. Panning down, we now see McClain holding a solid oak Louisville Slugger in one hand, and by the looks of the broken glass on the ground, McClain has already had a little bit of batting practice. Behind him, is a line of ten security guards, waiting for McClain to take his anger of on one of Batee’s most prized wrestlers.]
McClain: Come on Darrel, come and play! WHERE ARE YOU… YOU SCARED SON OF A BITCH!!!
[McClain turns and looks at the guards as they stand their grounds acting as if nothing happened. All of a sudden, from behind the security guards, out steps the BACW owner Mr. Brad Batee. A look of concern has swept over Batee’s face as he looks at his superstar with the bat in his hand, waiting for Darrel Besolve to appear. Batee has decided to stop this now so that no one gets hurt; most importantly himself. With the mindset that McClain has had for the last few months, he has become a ticking time bomb looking to go on a rampage. Mr. Batee slowly starts to approach McClain in an attempt to reason with the “Crippler”.]
Batee: Matty McClain, we need to talk about you breaking stuff boy, you just can’t go around doing this kind of thing boy! This is costing me a lot of money Matty! Why don’t you put the bat down, we can go inside, and we can talk about this like men. You have a match damn it and Einheri is waiting for you to answer his open challenge! Matty, the show is going down the toilet! [Sigh] MATTY, I’M TALKING TO YOU!
McClain: [Slowly walking towards Batee] Like men Batee? I should act like the bigger man because this is costing you money? Are you fucking joke Batee? You’re scared of me because I might just snap and take you down, something I should have done a few months. Its bullshit that you book me against Riel for that stupid and worthless Extreme Title you keep bragging about! Now I have some no name abdominal snow man with his wordy sidekick calling my name for a match? This is a pay per view, and I’m tired of being overlooked!
[McClain getting right into Batee’s face pushing him back into the steel gates of the garage. With Brad’s back right up against the wall, McClain’s face is swept with a smile. He draws the bat up and to the chin of Batee as their eyes meet.]
Mr. Batee: Oh my God, you’re not going to kiss me are you!? Look I ain’t no homo!
McClain: [Confused] Kiss what?! [Shake his head] The hell is wrong with you!? [Finger in the face] Listen here Batee, you are in NO position to tell me what to do. Now, unless you have something I want… then I’ve got a present for Darrel when he gets here. See, you seem to be really close to him with you kissing his ass and all, so maybe you’ll know the answer to this question.
Mr. Batee: What question?
McClain: Do you think he likes baseball?
Batee: Matty, back up now boy’s because one, you’re breath smells worse than Chris Ross’s ass. Two, not even my wife gets this close to me without having full on sex. And three, calm the hell down before your head explodes and my roster dips again! Look, I can’t have you destroying my show Matty ya here me? Now I know we have a little bit of bad blood between us, but Matty, you’re going too far with this anal baseball bat thing!
McClain: Oh, you’re worried about me destroying things huh? Is that the only reason you came out here was to confront me? Get a fucking clue Batee! I have a MAJOR problem with you, and you come out here to calm me down? I’m sorry Batee… I’m really sorry for what I’m about to do.
Batee: Matty, come on, calm your hyper ass down, don’t do anything rash boy!
[And with a snap of his fingers, Matt lets go of Batee and flies off the handle going after Batee’s limo. With one false swoop of his bat, the windshield now has a rather impressive sized indentation on the driver’s side. Batee cries out in anger and disbelief.]
Batee: [Hands on his head] Hey! I just got that for Christmas!
McClain: Merry Christmas!
[And with the twist of the wrist, McClain Louisville Slugger goes through the front passenger’s window, allowing the glass to fly everywhere. The security guards stand ready to move in but Batee flashes them a wave of his hand, holding them back. Once again, Batee yells out to Matt.]
Batee: That little act of aggression of yours is going to cost you $10,000 Matty McClain! You want to go for $15,000 because I’m done playing with ya boy.
McClain: Why not Batee? I’ll keep bashing until I get what I want, and that’s Darrel’s head on a stick! Give me what I want Batee and my rampage stops; simple! What’s it going to be boss?
Batee: {stuttering} D… damn you drive a hard bargain Matty! Look, I’m giving you a title shot, like you want Matty! You’ll get a shot at Riels’ Extreme Title! How is that Matty? Huh? WWA is a much bigger stage than BACW. What you say?
McClain: Sorry Batee, wrong answer! That’s not the title I want!
[McClain moves to the next window in the limo as he measures it up and cocks his bat back ready to swing until Batee’s voice rings out, causing Matt to stop before he finishes his swing.]
Batee: WAIT!!!
McClain: You know Bats; you really suck at this game!
[McClain jerks his attention towards the owner letting him know that if he doesn’t get an answer he wants, he’s bashing more windows in.]
Batee: O.K… O.K., you get what you want! I owe you anyways for winning the Gauntlet Match. So The Revolution decided to give you the shot?
McClain: I’m The Revolution Batee and what I say goes! The shot is mine and mine alone.
Batee: Okay, but here is the deal Matty, you get the match when I say you do. Right now you have been on a tear and you have looked amazing in the ring! Matty Boy, keeping going at it and you just may become the BACW Champion before everything is said and done. But for now, I have Bathasar and Einheri inside the ring, waiting for the crippler.
McClain: I see how it is Batee. We make a deal and you screw me over, but I didn’t expect anything more from you. By hook or by crook, I’ll get what I want and if I don’t, I’m going to make your life a living hell! Now I could be even more of an asshole and I choose my match, my opponent, the place, and the match, but for the time being, I’ll go along with you choosing the time. BUT if I don’t get my shot before Grinder, you’re going to regret making this deal with me; are we clear?
[Batee has an uneasy look played on his face as he knows he has to give McClain what he wants for him not to go on another rampage. What if his next target of aggression was Batee himself? Uneasily, Brad shakes his head in agreement.]
Batee: Y… you got it Matty McClain! You will get a title shot sometime before Grinder, or my name ain’t Mr. Batee God damn it! Now please, can you just get into the ring before I have a riot on my hands?
[A smile appears on Matt’s face as he got what he wanted, and an instant later, his bat sails through the air and smashes the window, as the shards of glass fly everywhere. Batee looks at Matt with anger.]
Batee: WHAT THE HELL McCLAIN! I GAVE YOU WANT YOU WANTED! WHY DID YOU BREAK THE WINDOW?!
[A cold look from McClain shows no emotion.]
McClain: Sorry Bats, I must have slipped. Now excuse me, I have to make someone tap.
[McClain retrieves his bat from the windshield and walks back into the building leaving Mr. Batee with a hard stare plastered across his face.]
Batee: Don’t worry about me living up to my end of the deal Matty… Just worry about what’s going to happen to you if you don’t live up to yours.
[The lights in the arena shut down, leaving the crowd in the dark, as bright flashes start to burst through out, acting as it were streaks of lighting. Soon, the sound of waves crashing along with the sound of thunder and howling winds fill the arena. They are soon joined by a shrill sound of sirens echoing though out the building.]
#SHUT UP WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU! ¦SHUT UP!.SHUT UP! SHUT UP! ¦SHUT UP WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU!
[A hush falls over the crowd leaving the arena in total darkness. With out warning, multi-colored lights start exploding through out the arena, and with in a matter of seconds, a massive explosion rips through out the entranceway leaving most of the fans breathless. A wall of fire reaches out to touch the top of the arena as the flames radiate their heat. As the smoke and fire start to clear out, the fans can see that McClain’s Oval-tron video has come to life as his theme, a remix of One Step Closer performed by Linkin Park, starts to rip though out the PA system. On his Oval-tron, a golden outline of a flame comes into sight as McClain silver cross slams into the flame as it sounds like steel hitting steel, and is quick to fade to blackness as his name is quick to fade in. Soon it starts to flash across the Oval-tron into various different fonts and colors Behind his name, there are clips of The Submission Specialist winning past titles, making opponents tap with his crippling Breaking Point, climbing to the top rope and hitting the high flying Storm Surge, and his newest submission move, The Perfect Storm, as well as his Natural Disaster. We catch only a glimpse of him pulling off some of the most unbelievable moves ever seen.]
EVERYTHING YOU SAY TO ME, BRINGS ME ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE AND I’M ABOUT TO BREAK
I NEED A LITTLE ROOM TO BREAK, BECAUSE I’M ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE AND I’M ABOUT TO BREAK
I FIND THE ANSWERS AREN’T SO CLEAR, I WISH I COULD FIND A WAY TO DISSAPPEAR! ALL THESE THOUGHTS THEY MAKE NO SENSE, I FOUND THIS IN INGRONCE, NOTHING SEEMS TO GO AWAY! OVER AND OVER AGAIN! JUST LIKE BEFORE!
[McClain steps into the entranceway looking around the arena as a grin plays across his lips. As soon as the fans see him, they start to boo very loudly! He raises both arms high into the air as the crowd roars with disapproval. As he makes the slow walk to the ring, the multi-colored lights start to glisten off his skin. He's dressed in a pair of metallic white tights. On his left leg of his tights in a metallic red lettering, and outlined in gold is “CRIPPLER”, and on his opposite leg, in the same metallic red material and outlined in gold is a modified cross surrounded in flames. His white paten leather boots bare the same cross as his tights in a red paten leather color. His wrist and forearms are taped up with the similar metallic colored tape. His hair is cut short in the back with the front longer, in a deep royal blue, almost black in color. His metallic silver-framed Oakley’s hide his cold ice blue eyes from the world, as the shimmering ice iridium reflective lens shine with the exploding lights as they blink off and on suddenly as he makes his way closer to the ring.]
EVERYTHING YOU SAY TO ME, BRINGS ME ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE AND I’M ABOUT TO BREAK!
EVERYTHING YOU SAY TO ME, BRINGS ME ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE AND I’M ABOUT TO BREAK!
EVERYTHING YOU SAY TO ME, BRINGS ME ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE AND I’M ABOUT TO BREAK!
EVERYTHING YOU SAY TO ME, BRINGS ME ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE AND I’M ABOUT TO BREAK!
EVERYTHING YOU SAY TO ME, BRINGS ME ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE AND I’M ABOUT TO BREAK!
EVERYTHING YOU SAY TO ME, BRINGS ME ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE AND I’M ABOUT TO BREAK!
EVERYTHING YOU SAY TO ME, BRINGS ME ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE AND I’M ABOUT TO BREAK!
[As soon as he enters the ring, two spotlights bath him in a pale blue color, circle around the arena and then converge into the center of the ring where the Matt McClain stands frozen. His chiseled body, which is bathed in the pale blue light, is ridged. He soon breaks the still stance by jerking up his arms high into the air. The boo’s of the fans give him a sudden massive rush. With his arms out stretched high into the air, flash bulbs all over the arena pop with a bright white light. It's almost an indescribable feeling coped with the booing of the fans as the lights in the arena start to slowly come back on.]
I NEED A LITTLE ROOM TO BREAK, BECAUSE I’M ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE AND I’M ABOUT TO BREAK!
I NEED A LITTLE ROOM TO BREAK, BECAUSE I’M ONE STEP CLOSER TO THE EDGE AND I’M ABOUT TO BREAK!
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Promo: Into the ring comes Matt McClain with his baseball bat in hand and folks, McClain has to take the bigger man off his feet if he wants to have a chance to execute his breaking point finisher. Matt also needs to focus on Einheri’s knees really working them over to where the big man can’t stand up without the help of the ropes.
Stuffher: Ladies and gentlemen, this next contest is a barbwire table match, and will yield for the winner, a shot at BACW’s current Heavyweight champion! Introducing first, from the mystical land of Thule… he is accompanied by Bathasar Guldsen. The Einheri!
Crowd: And his opponent, from Houston, Texas… The Crippler Matt McClain!
[The bell rings and McClain immediately goes low with a chop block! The Eniheri stumbles back up as Bathasar bails through the ropes, and leaping into the air, McClain connects with a drop kick to the other knee!]
Crowd: Na Na Na Naaa.. Na Na Na Naaa.. Saya goodbye. Na Na Na Naaa.. Na Na Na Naaa.. Saya goodbye. Na Na Na Naaa.. Na Na Na Naaa.. Saya goodbye.
Promo: The crowd starts to chant and rotating the big man to his feet, McClain goes for a leg sweep but Eniheri counters with a front face buster and just like that, Matt McClain finds himself in a whole host of trouble.
[Grunting McClain to his feet, The Eniheri unleashes a painful side Russian leg sweep that has The Crippler gasping for air. One step leg drop across the throat leads to a head scissor, and as Matt’s skull begins to turn red, on the outside Bathasar starts to smile.]
Promo: As the mammoth man continues to squeeze the life out of Matt McClain, you have wonder if The Crippler can withstand the awesomeness that is the Eniheri.
[Finally releasing the hold, and allowing blood to flow back up to the head of McClain, the monster pulls McClain from the canvas not even close to ending his torturous methods of madness.]
[SLAP!]
Crowd: OH!
Promo: Slap to the face of McClain and NO! The Crippler counters with a Three Stoogies poke to the eyes!
[Foot sweep by McClain once again takes the blinded big man off his feet, and winding up the Eniheri’s injured leg, McClain softens the joint with hard stomps. Yanking back on the toe, Matt tries to hyperextend the hamstring of his opponent and crying out in pain, The Eniheri must be asking himself, what must be done in order to break the spirit of The Crippler.]
Promo: Continuing to work over the leg area, McClain hopes he will start breaking down these massive body parts in an attempt to set up his unbreakable, Breaking Point cross face finisher.
[Figure four by McClain and Bathasar is calling out the instructions from the floor. Under the apron and into the ring, Bathasar just slid a table under the ropes and calling for McClain’s head! Scissor kick to the top of The Crippler’s skull breaks the hold and here comes the monster once again surging past McClain but this time with a lot more caution.]
Promo: The table has been set up in the corner of the ring, and Bathasar is ordering his monster to set up another one in the opposite corner. All this is taking time, but the big question is can Matt McClain use all this preparation by The Eniheri to his advantage?
[Dragging McClain over into the corner, The Eniheri backs up against the turnbuckle, and charging forward like an 18 wheeler on crack, McClain steps to the side and his opponent looks for a table crunching Theisz!]
[CRAAAACK!!!!]
Promo: OH! He missed!
Crowd: YEAH! Bad Ass Wrestlin! Bad Ass Wrestlin! Bad Ass Wrestlin!
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Promo: McClain countered the Theisz and just power slammed the massive Enineri through the barbwire table and this one’s over! Bathasar is stunned as is this entire capacity crowd.
Crowd: Quiet rumbling.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Stuffher: Your winner of the bout, and recipient of a BACW Heavyweight title shot, “The Crippler” Matt McClain!
Promo: Folks if I counted correctly, McClain has complied three different shots at the heavyweight championship in the past three months. One was for winning the Gauntlet, provided Ric Righteous and Malik Johnson are willing to part with their chance at glory. The second was when Batee agreed before this match to give McClain another shot at the title before Grinder. And the third is via this win right here in the ring. Oh wait a minute folks, wait a minute, McClain is telling Bathasar that he wants to make his monster tap and the crowd has gotten to their feet.
Crowd: BOO!
[Lifting Eniheri from the broken pieces of barbwire and table, McClain goes to clamp on the Breaking Point from the standing position but The Eniheri unloads with a killer black hole slam! McClain’s spine rattles from the impact and setting the remaining table on fire, Bathasar calls for the gates of hell to open!]
Promo: Bathasar is in the ring and he’s holding McClain up in front of the flaming table like a matador does his red cape! The Eniheri looks like a man possessed and he’s gearing up to charge!
[CLANG!]
Eniheri: UGH!
Crowd: NO! BOO!
[Diving into the ring and denting a steel chair over the head of the Eniheri, stable mate and long time friend Malik Johnson clears the ring before his partner was executed. Pointing at the dented chair, Bathasar raises his finger at Malik and holding back the Eniheri from getting back into the ring, the crowd continues to boo.]
Promo: Pulling The Eniheri by the hair up the ramp, we are going to take a break, but I can say this with certainty. I saw McClain dominate Bathasar’s beast in the ring, but the Eniheri kept coming. If given the chance, can this monster put his lack of wrestling skill aside, and use his freakish strength to win a title here in BACW? Only The Eniheri knows the answer to that question.
Malik: [Pointing at Bathasar] Yeah! Yeah! Bring it! Come on! Yeah!
[Before exiting the arena Bathasar utters words to the wise.]
Bathasar: Johnson! Beware the ides of March! BEWARE!
Malik: Yeah, you better take your own advice and march your eyes right out here!
[Fading from up close footage in the ring, we move the show to the locker room of long time veteran “Superstar” Alec Ace. Cradling his black Killer Loop sunglasses in his hand, Ace purses his lips while rubbing his chin.]
Alec Ace: Why is Alec Ace here in BACW? [Ace ponders the question before articulating] Alec Ace is here in BACW, because someone called me. Someone from my past… someone Alec Ace respects. Someone who promised to take Alec Ace to the top of the mountain!
[The superstar adjusts his very expensive lapel and dawns his very expensive sun glasses hiding his emerald green eyes. Adjusting his priceless package and clearing the mucus from his nasal cavity, Ace continues.]
Ace: So who is this individual Alec Ace has come to BACW to connect with? No simpletons! Alec Ace will not inform you of who it will be because what enjoyment it would be to prematurely expose my surprise. Before tonight, Alec Ace will make history and all of BACW is now put on notice. Always remember and never forget… When you get in the ring, it’s not going to be all excitement and grace, because when you wrestle the most theoretically sound wrestler in all of sports entertainment, you will be counting the lights under the perfect physic of “Superstar” Alec Ace.
[Closing the scene and ending the short backstage clip on Ace’s winking eye, the show is kicked back to Promo who is once again rejoined by absentee co-host Chris Ross.]
Promo: Folks we are back and although I have heard of Alec Ace’s dominance on the Midwest circuit, BACW is a completely different animal as many who come here with decorated pasted have come to realize.
Ross: [Chewing] These corndogs are really good!
Promo: And as you can see, we are once again joined by the creatively retarded; Chris Ross!
Ross: [Taking another bite] Thank you Promo, I knew you would warm up to my milk chocolate skin and alter boy like way of life.
Promo: [Making the gun motion and pulling the trigger] Folks, tonight we have seen most of our roster come out in front of this capacity crowd, and really kick it up a notch. Word from the back is Trespass from PAIN has been injured and his BACW contract terminated. This leaves Mace still on the active roster, but since they share the same brain, I can’t see either of these men performing for quiet some time.
Ross: Think fast… What’s the fastest animal on earth?
Promo: [Ignoring Ross] We also witnessed some controversial footage of Mr. Batee and Roxanne Logan together behind closed doors and Lord only knows how that’s going to effect her refereeing Lee Riel’s match. The Eniheri and Bathasar tangled with The Crippler and folks we aren’t even close to done with this show. But right now, as Roxanne Logan enters the ring, it’s time for our WWA Extreme World championship between “Absolute” Lee Riel, and the man who already had a match, “Beast Master” Orge Lambart.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Stuffher: Extreme fiends, this next bout will be held under exploding ropes rules and will be for WWA’s Extreme World Championship! Limping down the isle and carefully entering the ring, he comes to us from Philadelphia Pennsylvania, and is BACW’s Northeastern Regional Champion! Put your hands together for “Beast Master” Orge Lambart!
[Limping down the isle and carefully entering the ring, Orge removes his title and grimaces from the pain already shooting through his body from his previous match.]
Crowd: Beast! Beast! Beast!
[The lights in the arena fade as a single red spotlight paints the curtain, "More Human, Than Human" by White Zombie blares through the speakers.]
Crowd: YEAH! Let's Go Lee Riel! Let's Go Lee Riel!
[Smoke bellows from behind the curtain as the volume of the crowd rises to a fever pitch. The curtain parts and the stepping out from the smoke and through the curtain into the glow of the bright red spotlight is Lee Riel. Decked out in a black hooded jumpsuit with red trim and the letters BACW across the back, WWA Extreme title wrapped firmly around his waist he walks down the ramp slapping the hands of the fans, his head hung low in focus as he makes his way to the ring. Reaching the cell Riel gazes up and down the ominous structure gripping the mesh with his fingers and giving it a slight shake before looking out to the crowd.]
Stuffher: Ladies and gentlemen about to enter the ring from Toronto, Ontario: Canada, he weighed in tonight at a slim, trim, jacked, stacked and ripped 252 lbs. and he is the reigning and defending WWA Extreme World Champion, The Canadian Wrestle-GOD and BACW's own son. There is only one... "Absolute" Lee Riel!
[Entering through the ropes Riel quickly makes his way to the ring apron, taking a knee he extends his hands outward motioning with his fingers for applause. He flips back his hood exposing a cocky grin. Riel then undoes his title belt and scales the turnbuckle raising it into the air.]
Promo: Let me say this about the champion before he actually gets into the ring. Riel's back is against the wall and in a bout like this; he’s completely out of his element! Not only that, but he's not at 100% healthy and Mr. Batee apparently has referee Roxanne Logan in his back pocket. If Lee Riel loses his WWA Extreme title here tonight against Orge Lambart, I’m going to be sick to my stomach!
Ross: Is it wrong of me to be excited?
Promo: Only if you’re looking at my package.
Ross: Darn!
Promo: What?!!!
Ding! Ding! Ding!
[Riel charges hard and turning in response to the footsteps, the champion launches himself into a cross body but Lambart catches him in mid-air! Swing slam counter by the beast master shocks Riel back from top to bottom and scooping Lee from the canvas, Orge unleashes the gates of Hadi with a leaping brain buster.]
Promo: The champion shakes from the impact and Lambart is pointing to one of the exploding ropes; he’s going to try to win!
Ross: He’s going to suplex Riel into an explosion!
[Pulling up on the tights, Lee finds some wiggle room, and coming out the back door, Riel pulls down hard with a reverse curtain call!]
Crowd: Riel! Riel! Riel!
Promo: The fans are getting behind Lee Riel and the champion is feeding off their energy!
[Lee pulls into an Irish whip and rumbling towards the ropes, Lambart puts on the breaks inches from defeat! Pointing to the temple of his head, Orge turns and Riel drills him with a super kick to the jaw. ]
Ross: Lambart’s wobbling and teetering on uneasy legs! The ropes are behind him! He can’t hold on!
Promo: Here comes Riel with a full head of steam!
Crowd: OH!
Ross: Clothesline misses!
Promo: Orge digs deep!
Crowd: WOW!
[Somersault heel kick crowns Riel and falling to both knees, the champion appears to be in deep trouble. Feet to chest drop kick flatten Lee directly to his back and Orge goes to work with an illegal double fisted choke!]
Promo: Logan screams for the hold to be broken and Orge releases his grip unwilling to have the match end in a disqualification. Orge stops to argue with Logan about the rules and folks, he better pay attention to the man he’s wrestling against or this one could be over before it even gets started.
Ross: OH Riel with a rake of the eyes and Logan is chastising the champion! Do you think this could be part of Batee’s mater plan to rob Riel of yet another title?
Promo: Did you just say something intelligent?
Ross: [Shrugs] Even lightening strikes once…
Promo: As this match wears on I can’t say for sure but Roxanne Logan just might side with Riel Lee and it wouldn’t surprise me one bit, if we saw Riel and Logan standing together with hands raised in the middle of the ring.
Ross: Logan is still berating Riel for his use of the fingers and Lee can’t take anymore!
Riel: [Pushing Roxanne] Get out of my face!
Crowd: OH!
Roxanne: [Getting up from the canvas] Son of a bitch!
[SLAP!]
Riel: GAH!
[Shoving Logan to the ground, the queen of hardcore immediately gets up and as the champion tries to apologize, she slaps him right across the face!]
Roxanne: The fuck is your problem Lee?
Riel: The hell is yours? You're the one giving special treatments to the boss! What the hell is that all about?
Roxanne: Is that what you think?
Riel: It's not what I think, it's what I know!
Promo: Riel and Logan are verbally going at it and Orge is sneaking up from behind!
[Leaping into the air from behind, Lambart connects with a drop kick to the back of Riel and crashing into Logan, Roxanne falls back into the ropes with a huge…]
KABOOOM!!!!!
Crowd: Bad ASS Wrestlin! Bad ASS Wrestlin! Bad ASS Wrestlin! She's Hardcore! She's Hardcore! She's Hardcore!
Promo: Roxanne Logan has been exploded and knocked out cold thanks to the insecurity of Lee Riel, and folks I just noticed, we have don't have a referee and you know what time it is?!
Ross: [Getting half up from his seat] Time to give her mouth to mouth?
Promo: I hate you!
[Lambart doesn’t let the lack of referee to get in his way of pouring on the offense and driving a series of forearms into side of the champion’s head, Orge lifts the champion and tears into a picture perfect twist of fate!]
Ross: Riel's done!
[Orge gets Riel into suplex position and cranking him up into the heavens of extreme, the fans feel the title changing hands.]
Promo: Hold on, wait a minute folks… Roxanne Logan is crawling towards the challenger and as Orge continues to drain the blood from Riel’s head, Roxanne drives her fist into the groin area of the Beast Master!
Orge: Dow!
Ross: What the hell?
Promo: Logan collapses again and Riel regains the advantage!
[Vertical suplex counter against the ropes and KABOOM!!!! A plumb of black smoke forms a mushroom cloud and as the grayish tint begins to dissipate, Orge has been exploded and Lee Riel has successfully defended his WWA Extreme World championship.]
Stuffher: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the bout and STILL WWA Extreme World champion, there is only one, “Absolute” Lee Riel!
Promo: Crawling towards Roxanne Logan and draping his body over her blackened skin in an instinctual act of protection, Riel passes out from the pain. Into the ring comes the burn unit and folks it’s time to take a break, but when we return, it’s going to be Ric Righteous and The Spectre going one on one with one man walking out of 2006 Ways to Bleed as our new, unified, BACW Heavyweight champion. We’ll see you in a few.
[Blackness sets in during the break.]
[Whispering can be heard feeding in from the PA system, leading in a crescendoing single note.]
[The note and whispering breaks at the crest, and is replaced by an electric piano playing notes.]
[The spotlights go on, spanning the audience quickly and showering it with blue light.]
#A young man now in a private chair,
#I've seen the world through a bitter stare
#But my dream is still alive,
#I'm going to be the best I can
[The word "can" echoes and fades, as with it do the spotlights as well. At the point of total silence, we hear the opening guitar riffs of “Lights and Sounds” by Yellowcard.]
[When the second guitar kicks in, we finally get the blue spotlight and the man who the crowd has been waiting for.]
[Chistian’s dressed in his street clothes: a pair of blue jeans, a new T-shirt of Light celebrating with the World Title in hand, and white Reebok’s. And his waist bears the gold of the WWA World Heavyweight Title]
Promo: Folks we are back from the break and as you can see, WWA’s World Heavyweight champion Christian Light has decided to crash our pay per view and I can only assume it’s because he’s looking to scout the unique talent here in BACW.
Ross: He might also be on a PR style mission to bring up the image of the World Title in the Northeastern region.
Promo: Could be.
[Light walks down the aisle to a mixed reaction, with his left and right fists in the air, encouraging everyone in the crowd to “put their fists up.” Some of the fans oblige, and those that do get to pound fists with The Last Nighthawk. Still others show their appreciation for the new World Champ with middle fingers and downward-pointing thumbs. He makes his way all around the ring, greeting those cheering with fist-pounds and high fives, while doing his best to ignore those booing. After making a full circle of the ring area, he hops onto the apron. Walking between the ropes, he enters the ring and holds his fists up in the air to a loud mixed reaction. He then obtains a microphone from the ring announcer Michael Stuffher.]
[The music fades, the lights come up. Christian has something to say.]
Light: So this is the legendary BACW, huh?
[Another mixed reaction. The fans just don’t know what to make of Christian right now.]
Light: I remember you guys, no doubt. I remember your team of four gave us one heck of a fight at Summer Games, and I remember leaving that match with a healthy amount of respect for your superstars.
Promo: You know Chris, it seems Light has come into BACW with respect for the roster, and our fans. Normally newcomers are boo’d out of the building but that’s not happening here tonight with Light.
[If the fans weren’t confused before, they are now especially on light of what happened after Final Countdown aired.]
Light: As for me? Consider me a bit of a spectator. As many of you probably know, I have a match on January 6th in Ireland that includes “Absolute” Lee Riel...
Crowd: YEAH! Let’s go Lee Riel! Let’s go Lee Riel! Let’s go Lee Riel!
[Just mentioning his name brings forth a whole host of cheers and a sizable “Let’s Go Lee Riel” chant. Light waits for the crowd to die down before continuing.]
Light: ...and no, this has nothing to do with the fact that Lee hit me in the head with a chair yesterday when I was trying to defend him...
Promo: I think what Light’s referring to is when Riel went to swing at steel chair at BACW turncoat Michael Morrison and hit Light instead. Everyone is speculating whether it was an accident but Light appears to be shrugging it off, saying he watched the tape and he saw Riel was aiming for Morrison not him.
Ross: Water under the bridge, I guess?
Promo: Apparently.
[Another cheer. That one stung a little...you can see it in Christian’s face...but Light manages to use some of his willpower to prevent it from shaking him from his promo.]
Light: ...no, this, ladies and gentlemen, is a scouting mission. In about two minutes, I’m going to sit my butt down in that chair next to The Promo Machine...
Promo: [Shocked] What?
Ross: Where am I going sit?
Promo: [Hands up in the air] I guess on that milk crate over there.
Light: ...and I’m gonna get familiar with some BACW action up close and personal.
Promo: Damnit, I don’t want him here! It’s bad enough dealing with Ross!
Ross: Don’t talk like I’m not sitting here.
Promo: UGH!
[Light hands the microphone back to the ring announcer before exiting the ring. Walking up to the promo’s table at ringside, he offers his hand to The Promo Machine, who reluctantly shakes it before Light sits down and puts the headset on.]
Light: Pleasure being here Paul.
Promo: It’s Promo to you.
Light: Very well… Who’s the dude with the crazy Hawaiian shirt?
Ross: I’m Chris…
Promo: Just pretend you’re in the zoo and try not to feed the animals.
Light: [Chuckle] OOOkay.
Promo: While we are waiting for the ring to be cleared, let me ask you something Christian, do you really believe you’re capable of taking on someone as great as absolute Lee Riel?
Light: Put it this way, I respect the man’s ability and make note of the fact that he really took it to Black Zack Andrews, who is historically one of my most hated rivals, in The Grinder but respect alone never equals a world title.
Promo: So I guess the chair shot Riel gave you the other day didn't bother you? Do you consider that a foreshadowing of future events to come?
Light: No Promo, accidents happen, that’s why they are called accidents, Enough of me, I’m here to see who’s going to emerge from this main event as BACW’s Heavyweight champion. Hey what’s up with the cage?
Promo: It’s stuck.
Ross: [Picking his nose] Yeah it’s stuck!
Light: Seriously?
Promo: We’re a low budget show.
[The lights go out and the crackling of thunder rumbles throughout the arena. An eerie purple glow fills the void along with a rolling, ominous fog. “Memphisto” by Depeche Mode blares on the speakers, and the entrance ramp slowly rises toward the ceiling. Behind the ramp is the same purple glow and eerie fog.]
Promo: Well as Spectre’s entrance cues up, it’s time for our main event to begin.
Crowd: BOO!
[Emerging from the fog is a very strange vehicle on wheels. It resembles a parade float that looks like a huge brain. Standing on top of the brain, along with his pet hyena Johnny, is The Spectre. He seems more deranged than ever, as his wide open wild eyes shoot in every direction looking at the crowd, and he laughs manically. The thunder seems more frequent this time than before. The brain stops just short of the ring.]
Ross: Hey Spectre, what’s the bag for?
Spectre: [Giggling]
[Spectre steps out of the float with this mysterious bag strapped over his shoulder and stepping over the top ropes, the big man enters the squared circle.]
Promo: Tonight Spectre is wearing his usual ring attire of black pants with multiple zipper pockets and purple U-neck tank top. The pants have the name “SPECTRE” down the left pant leg, and the words “TOTAL DEVESTATION” written in neon green on the front of the tank top. He is wearing the same slicker as last month, with one noticeable difference- a rather disturbing mural drawn on the back of his slicker.
Light: There’s a lot of drama in BACW I see.
Chris: Are green boogers bad to eat?
Light: Excuse me?!
Promo: Please do not place the booger on the world championship belt!
Light Really...
Stuffher: Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is our main event of the evening, and will finally yield ONE unified BACW Heavyweight champion!
[At the top of the slicker are the words "THE PROPHECY HAS BEGUN..." with Spectre's purple haired head centered on the back of the slicker, and he is looking downward with a sadistic smile on his face. Below that, in some sort of photo resembling Armageddon is some sort of Lake of Fire, with smoke and ash rising forth. Within the ash are three people in various forms of torture: on the left is Malik Johnson hanging from a rope. On the right is Matt McClain, with his limbs partially dismembered? And in the center is Ric Righteous, hanging from a cross.]
Stuffher: At this time please direct your full attention and concentration on the individual who is the Master of the Mind Games. He weighs in at 299 lbs, and comes to you from the Deepest Corners of Your Mind. He is the current Unrecognized Ewrestling.org Champion, and is BACW’s very own Sadistic Nut! Coming down the aisle with his pet hyena Johnny... This is… THE SPECTRE!!!
Promo: While we await the arrival of BACW’s reigning Heavyweight champion, let me ask you something Christian…
Ross: [Chiming in] Have you ever been to a Turkish prison?!
Promo: [Snapping back] PLEASE MR. ROSS!
Light: No Chris, I haven’t but I’ve wrestled in Turkey once or twice.
Promo: Let's try this agian, Christian, what do you think of the talent pool here in BACW.
Light: As far as other wrestlers go, I have respect for guys like Spectre because he appears to be one tough opponent. But I’m not sure I understand wrestlers like Sam Natas because by definition, they appear to be a followers.
Promo: One word for someone like Righteous?
Light: Pompous.
Ross: What about my favorite wrestler of all time Darrel Besolve? Huh?! Can you take on the career killer!? [Karate chop motion]
Light: In all honesty I’m wary of the Boy Wonder but very respectful of his skill as we’ve taken each other to the limit on several different occasions. Despite all other pretenses, I have to respect the man’s ability.
Listen to this advice and accept instruction
That you may gain wisdom for the future
Many are the men in the eyes of the Lord
But what is the purpose of the messiah
That will be established
Alas Ric Righteous, has arisen.
[Cue “Jesus Christ Superstar”]
Promo: Speaking of respect, here comes the champ!
[With the pyrotechnic exploding in the background, Righteous sneers at Light who’s looking on with an interesting eye. Up the stairs and into the ring, Ric removes his title to a chorus of boos.]
Ross: [Silly wave] Hi Ric, remember me!!!
Righteous: [Middle finger] Kill yourself!
Ross: [Smiling] I think he really likes me Christian.
Light: [Whispering to Promo] Is he retarded?
Promo: Depends on who you talk to.
Stuffher: And his opponent, he is BACW’s Heavyweight champion! “The Messiah” Ric Righteous!
[Turning to face Spectre, the referee signals for the bell and Spectre immediately comes out firing bombs with Ric returning fire!]
Promo: The two champions are exchanging lefts and rights in the corner of the ring and the crowd is already on their feet! Both men break and rubbing the side of his jaw, Spectre walks up to Righteous and slaps him right in the face!
Crowd: OOO!
Ross: Righteous with an open hand of his own!
Crowd: OH!
[Full force kick to groin by Ric and immediately looking for his Right Move Stunner, Spectre counters the finisher with a whirly bird back breaker! Mounted punches by the purple haired freak and dragging Righteous upright, Specter tosses him into the opposite corner with a thud!]
Promo: What do you think of this kind of action Mr. Light? I bet they don’t brawl like this at a WWA pay per views do they?
Light: Personally, I like the catch-as-catch can style of wrestling, and although the crowd seems to be enjoying this fight night at the Apollo, I really don’t care for brawling and striking that much.
Ross: [In Light's personal space] Have you ever wiped anyone out?
Light: Wipe what?
Promo: I warned you.
[Rumbling forward Spectre leaps into the air and Righteous side steps the Avalanche! Ric resets and leaning into a pair of chops, Spectre grips his nipples in pain. Hard bolo upper cuts rattle the jaw of the eWrestling.Org champion and slumping onto his ass, Righteous begins stomping a mudhole in his opponent.]
Promo: Rolling to through the ropes and onto the outside, Spectre makes an effort to avoid the assault but here comes Righteous.
Light: Spectre is using the entire arena to his advantage and that’s what makes his style of wrestling most difficult to defend.
[Righteous pulls on the top rope and spring boarding into the air, Spectre catches him in mid-air! Driving Ric into the post back first, the messiah arches backwards in pain. Swing slam plants Ric flat onto the small mats and busting the stairs into two sections, Spectre looks like he's going to take it to the extreme.]
Light: Spectre’s got a section of the steel stairs over his head and going to smash them into Ric!?
Ross: Wipe out!!!
CLANG!!! CLUNK!!!
Crowd: OH!
Promo: Ric with a hand full powder to the eyes of the Spectre and just in time because had Righteous not cheated, his career might well have been over. Ric clotheslines Spectre who in turn collides with the broken section of the stairs and folks, Spectre is now dawning the crimson mask.
Light: Righteous used to be a great wrestler but I can see how things work here in BACW. Pretty much there are never any rules and the person who wins is the guy who can swing a chair the hardest?
Promo: There’s more to it than just that Christian.
Light: [Looks and points to Ross]
Promo: Okay well you’re right when it comes to him.
Crowd: DAMN!
[After a nasty pedigree on the concrete, Righteous rolls Spectre back into the ring, briefly taking a few seconds to side glance Light. Off the canvas and into an Irish whip goes Spectre and here comes the purple haired freak across the logo. Ric misses a wild charging clothesline and coming off the opposite side of the ring, Spectre leans into an immovable shoulder block.]
Light: Transition into a vertical elbow drop connects and that’s a great move selection right there. What agility from the big man!
Promo: Spectre is looking to turn up the heat by dragging Ric off the canvas by his afro. Into the ropes for a third time and off the nylon for as many comes Righteous and he's barreling back over the logo with a head full of steam.
Ross: Big boot by Spectre skids Ric to the canvas and we have our first cover!
Referee: 1… 2… THRE…
Crowd: OH!
Referee: Kick out only two continue the match, only two!
Promo: Righteous pulls his shoulders off the canvas in time and fans, this one’s isn't over by a long shot!
[Spectre stops to yell at the referee accusing him of a slow count and the crowd immediately shows their distain by booing the Spectre.]
Light: Spectre needs to have some respect for the man in stripes, because if he... wait a minute, where’s Ric going?
Ross: Bathroom I think. Hey Ric, want me to save your place?
Promo: Righteous appears to have had enough and believe it or not, he’s actually heading up the ramp! Ric seems to be going home and you know what, that doesn't surprise me one bit.
Light: Here comes Spectre hot on the champion's heels and I don’t blame him, no one wants to win a championship like that.
Ross: I do it all the time!
[Just as Spectre reaches out to grab Ric, the BACW champion spins around clocking Spectre with a pin point discus punch to the jaw! Moving into stunner position, Spectre lowers his head and pushing an off balance Ric Righteous off the stage…]
CRACK!!!! CRASH!!! BANG!!! THUD!
Righteous: UGH!
Crowd: YEAH! Bad ASS Wrestlin! Bad ASS Wrestlin! Bad ASS Wrestlin!
Promo: Off the stage and down some 10 feet went Ric Righteous through a table and look at Spectre… he’s covered in his blood and still laughing!
Light: I can only think of one person who might be crazier than Spectre.
Promo: Who’s that?
Light: [Points to Ross who’s now trying to smell his own farts.]
Promo: You might have something there...
[Making his way down to the rubble, Spectre slowly guides Ric through the crowd and back to the ringside area. Under the ropes and back into the squared circle, the crowd continues to boo The Spectre's efforts. Pausing to look into the crowd, Spectre snatches the bag he brought down to ringside from the announcer’s table and begins to empty it’s contents into the ring.]
Promo: Are those chocolate covered tacks?!
Crowd: YEAH!!!!
Light: Whatever happened to an old fashion sleeper?
Promo: Ross you can eat those!
Ross: AHH!!!! [Cough!] [Cough!]
Promo: Clamping on a head and arm, Spectre yanks Righteous into the air and unloads with a killer head and arm side walk slam combination. Right now both men land directly on the tacks with Righteous taking the brunt of the impact I'm just not sure who's going to emerge from this match as the champion. Spectre hooks the leg and this has to be it. 1… 2…
Ross: THREE!!!
Light: Where’s the referee?
Promo: Apparently the referee was knocked out during that last move by Ric's renegade foot and Spectre's begging for someone to count the fall.
Light: I don’t think anyone’s coming out with all these tacks in the ring.
[Not wanting to waste time, Spectre continues his offense and as he tries to set up the guillotine, the crowd begins to cheer!]
Addicted to bleed these blocks and addicted to serving that dope
Addicted to the life I lead in the weed I smoke
Addicted to the drama
Addicted to the pain
Addicted to the violence
Addicted to the game
Crowd: Welcome back! Welcome back! Welcome back!
Promo: That's Todd "Knightmare" Knight’s music!
Ross: [Runs up the isle and into the back in Homer Simpson like fashion.] AHHH!!!
Light: Spectre looks confused and what’s that in Todd's hands?
[Leaping off the ropes with his wrestling gear on, Knight jams the fork into the forehead of Spectre toppling the big man before he can hit Ric with his finisher. Multiple fork shots create a pool of blood in the center of the ring, and dawning the turnbuckle, Knight gives Spectre the double middle fingers.]
Knight: [From the top turnbukle] FU Spectre!
Light: Jesus do you nuts allow forks in the ring?
Promo: Tumbling through the air, KNIGHT TIME ROLLING KNEE FINISHER and security has stormed the ring in an attempt to restain the knightmare! Spectre is struggling to get to his feet but he can barely see through all the blood raining down on his face and into his eyes. Good lord no! Matt McClain has appeared at ringside and he’s got a steel chair cocked back!
Light: I can’t say I agree with Matt being down here but this is his business and not mine to meddle in. I can stay that forks, and weapons aren't my thing but if I have to get into BACW and fight for my respect, then so be it; just don't look for me to...
McClain: Hey Spectre, smile for the camera for purple hair cock muncher!
CRACK!!!!
Crowd: OH!!!! You fucked up! You fucked up! You fucked up!
Promo: He certainly did! McClain went to hit Spectre over the head with the chair but Spectre moved out of the way leaving nothing but steel for the messiah to eat. Ric wobbles in place and as security struggles with him too, Spectre drives home the guillotine!
Referee: 1… 2… THREE!!!
Light: You have to be kidding me? That’s legal?
[Falling to both knees and being handed BACW’s Heavyweight championship belt, Spectre rolls from the ring a bloody mess. Stumbling up the ramp and not looking back, you can see Todd Knight shaking his head and Matt McClain in complete disbelief.]
McClain: [Pulling away from the guards] FUCK!
Spectre: [Painful giggle] I did it! Ouch… ugh… I did it!! Yo Adrian!!! Heh heh… ugh… oh… my...
Promo: Folks we are completely out of time and what can you say about this show other than WOW! Todd Knight returned, Spectre is our new leader, Christian Light appears to do color, and Mr. Batee seems to be brewing something personal with Roxanne Logan. On behalf of WWA, their champion Christian Light, BACW and Mr. Batee… once again I’m the Promo Machine and we bid you good night from the place that coined the phrases, “Enjoy the Brutality”.
[Bonus footage]
[Inside the locker of The Revolution mere minutes after the cameras shut off, you can see all three members screaming at each other with Ric on one side, and the MSS on the other.]
Righteous: [Throwing a chair against the wall] No fuck that Matt! You hit me on purpose and you cost me something I worked too damn hard to lose! This is the worst night of my entire career!
Malik: [Placing his hand on the exchampion's shoulder] Relax Ric, you have a rematch in your…
Righteous: [Pulling back] Shut up tool! Shut up! How dare you talk to me after the shit you pulled for this pulled? Malik, you're one lazy motherfucker and if I were Matt, you would be out of The Revolution for your failure to be sucessful!
Malik: [Pushing Righteous in the chest] The fuck you mean tool?
McClain: [Getting between the two] Back up! BACK UP! Both of you hold on a second and back the hell up! Now wait right there Ric, don’t disrespect Malik because it was my fault you lost tonight not his. You want to put the blame on someone, look no further than me.
Righteous: Tell me someone Matt… Who again gave you permission to take the gauntlet match title shot? Because last time I checked, you never consulted us.
McClain: [Silence]
Righteous: What’s wrong Matt, you knew you couldn’t beat me so you set me up? Hit me with a chair, and in essence opened the door for yourself? What do you have, three guaranteed shots now?
McClain: [Now up in Ric's grill] You know it’s not like that Ric because if I wanted to, I would have made you tap along time ago.
Righteous: [Chest to chest] Why don’t you make me tap now? Huh!? Make me tap white boy!
Malik: [Siding with McClain] You’re out of line Ric and this is coming from a black man!
McClain: Malik no…
Malik: Fuck this shit Matt! I’m tired of this Uncle Tom treating me like I’m the mid-carder in the group. He thinks just because I’m easy going that he can step all over my shit and I have to take it. News flash Ric, the MSS never needed you and we never wanted you! Pompous motherfucker!
Righteous: Is that so?
Malik: Yeah! Yeah! Haha! Yeah!
[SLAP!]
[CRACK!!!!]
Righteous: UGH!
[Pulling back a dented locker room chair, McClain has just crossed over the line of no return. Hitting Righteous with the chair, he looks down at a suffering messiah and gets to his knees. Looking into Ric’s eyes McClain whispers.]
McClain: It’s time for your ass, to tap! Just_like_the_rest!
Righteous: [Barely able to breath] f.. uc..k y...ou ma...tt!
Malik: Testify!!!!
[Locking in the breaking point, McClain leans back trying to tear the arm from Ric’s socket when suddenly the door smashes in, busting off at the hinges. Storming into the ring, this veteran of the ring slapjacks Malik and football kicks McClain’s head rendering him motionless on the locker room floor. Limping to his feet, a furious Ric Righteous struggles over to McClain and placing the crippler's arm into a folding steel chair, he's gathers his strength.]
Righteous: It’s time... for me... to stop... carrying you and this piece of shit over here... Matt... listen to me... and listen to me good.... I’m going to do something... to you now... that you might not understand.... I’m going to break your arm... and I’m going to do it... not because I’m mad... but instead... because I can.
[CRACK!!!!]
McClain: AAAAHHH!!!! My arm! AHHH! My fucking arm!!! AHHH!!!!!
Righteous: Merry Christmas white boy!!
Alec Ace: You okay partner?
Righteous: I see you got my call. What took you so long?
Ace: I wanted to see if you really needed my help.
Righteous: Thunder N’ Lightening?
Alec: Yeah man, just like the old days.
Righteous: Lord help them all!
End PPV
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