BACW Presents:
American Bad A** - Live on Pay Per View
Philadelphia Civic Arena - Philadelphia, PA

Part 9 - Evil's Stand

Handicapped Match
BACW Tag Team Championship
Belo & Mooi Vs. Chris Ross

[Ding! Ding! Ding!]

Stuffher: Ladies and gentlemen, this next contest is for BACW’s Tag Team Championship!

Crowd: [YEAH!]

[Ding! Ding! Ding!]

Stuffher: Parting the curtains but not accompanied to the ring by his tag team partner Kimo Newton, from Honolulu, Hawaii this is Krazy! Chris! Ross!

[BOOM!] [BOOM!][BOOM!]

[With the simulated volcano erupting on the Oval-tron, the fireworks ignite and Ross pounds each side of his chest with his massive hands in King Kong like fashion. On his way to the hospital, there is not Kimo Newton leaping around and no one for Ross to tag in. In essence, the Hawaiian is all by himself!]

Fan: [Leaning over the railing with an “FU Ross” sign] Go to hell Ross!

Chris Ross: GAH!

Fan: HEY!

[Tearing the sign from the fan’s hands, Chris rips it into what seems to be a million pieces and litters the torn up paper into the crowd.]

Crowd: [BOO!] Freak-in Pyscho! [Clap clap clap-clap-clap!] Freak-in Pyscho! [Clap clap clap-clap-clap!] Freak-in Pyscho! [Clap clap clap-clap-clap!] Freak-in Pyscho! [Clap clap clap-clap-clap!]

Promo: In case you have just joined us and are wondering why Chris Ross is coming to the ring all by himself, it’s because his partner Kimo Newton was brutally attacked in the back by an unknown assailant and sent to the local hospital. Some people are blaming Derek Parks, others are saying it was Mr. Batee’s way of slowing Ross down allowing him to escape, and there are also some who are accusing Ross himself of the despicable act.

ED: Ross did it? That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard!

Promo: Why?

ED: It’s complete idiocy to think by eliminating his partner he would stand a better chance of winning. He’s never even seen these guys wrestler before!

Promo: What do you think the keys to victory are for Ross given that he doesn’t have a partner?

ED: One word, cheat and cheat often!

[Ding! Ding! Ding!]

Stuffher: And his opponents, they represent The Beautiful People as interim champions! Accompanied to the ring by their manager Exuwa! Mooi & Belo!

Crowd: [BOO!]

[Down the isle and sliding into the ring, the referee immediately points to the back ordering Exuwa to leave the ringside area.]

Crowd: [POP!]

Referee: Get into the back Exuwa! This is going to be a fair fight and I will not have you interfering in the match.

Exuwa: [Protesting] Your body will burn in white fire and your soul will be tortured for an eternity for this blasphemous action!

Referee: Yeah, yeah, yeah… whatever! Look, just get into the back or I will disqualify your team right now!

Exuwa: Your mother sucks cocks in hell!

Referee: And you can suck yours in the back!

Crowd: [Ringside laughter]

Referee: Get out of here! NOW!

[Putting a hex in the referee to be injured during the match, Exuwa turns in a ball of fiery anger.]

[Ding! Ding! Ding!]

Promo: With Exuwa now being escorted into the back by security and Chris Ross without a partner, I believe we are finally ready to get on with this match.

ED: Something tells me Ross is going to be okay, but shame on Mr. Batee for allowing this handicap match to take place in the first place.

Crowd: [Stomping]

Promo: Like it or not, Ross is motioning for Belo to start this one off and folks, I don’t think Belo has a problem with that at all. With both men now circling the logo, the referee signals for the match to commence, and here we GO!

[As soon as the referee moves to the side, Ross barrels across the logo but misses with a wild left. Pin point drop kick to the ankle by Belo and crippling to the canvas, Chris Ross growls from the sting shooting up his leg. Limping backwards and leaning up onto the turnbuckle, the referee pushes Belo towards a neutral corner and distracted, Mooi rakes Ross’s eyes from the apron.]

Crowd: [BOO!]

Promo: This is not how Ross wanted to start off this match.

ED: No shit Sherlock! Come on Ross! I have a lot riding on you today! Hey Paul, does your sister still have all her teeth?

Promo: [Annoyed cross glance]

[Back in his corner before the referee can catch him in the act, Mooi leaves Ross blinded and tossing the big Hawaiian into the ropes, Belo follows up with a tough love clothesline. Refusing to go down, Chris leans on the top rope to break his fall but gets his arms tangled up in the top and middle ropes.]

Referee: TAG!

Crowd: [BOO!]

Promo: Into the ring come Mooi and unloading with lefts and rights, there’s a hard boot to the stomach and Ross is helpless to stop this assault. Hard upper cut rattles the jaw and slapping Ross right across the face, Mooi antagonizes the crowd.

Crowd: Ass-hooole! Ass-hooole! Ass-hooole!

ED: I have to get him out of those ropes!

Promo: Sit down Danger; you can’t interfere in the matches.

ED: But your sister pees standing up!

Referee: TAG!

Crowd: [BOO!]

Promo: Here comes Belo into the ring again and taking advantage of the five count both men connect with a double sidewalk slam!

Referee: 1… 2… 3…

[Exiting the ring to break the count, another tag is made.]

Referee: TAG!

Crowd: [BOO!] Let’s go Ross! Let’s go Ross! Let’s go Ross!

[Back in on the double team, Mooi and Belo pick their opponent up like they are going to power bomb him but instead walk him over to the corner, setting Ross up onto the top turnbuckle.]

Referee: Get out of the ring! 1… 2…

[Adjust their arms and bringing Ross down with a skull shattering double DDT, the Hawaiian is shaken up from the hard turnbuckle fall. Exiting before the five count, the referee pounds the canvas for the 1… 2… 3…]

Referee: One! Two! THRE…

Ross: GAH!

Crowd: [YEAH!]

Referee: Shoulder off the canvas! Continue the match!

Crowd: Let’s go Ross! Let’s go Ross! Let’s go Ross!

Promo: I don’t believe it, Chris Ross just kicked out of that move and wow am I impressed!

ED: If hit with the same double DDT off the top turnbuckle, most wrestlers in BACW would be counting the lights.

Promo: Still, with no one to tag, you have to wonder just how long someone like Chris Ross can this incredible beating.

Referee: TAG!

Crowd: [BOO!]

[Double team suplex hits the mark and exiting the ring, Belo reaches back in for the speedy tag and Mooi goes out once again as quickly as he came in. Off the canvas, Belo now has Ross up against the ropes, and pointed out with his left hand, Belo swings his opponent into a Death Valley Driver!]

[THUD!]

Crowd: [OH!]

Promo: Time to call the coroner!

ED: He might be done.

Referee: One. Two.. Thre…!

Crowd: [YEAH!]

Referee: Kick out! Only two! Continue the match!

Crowd: [Stomping]

Promo: Even though they are in a handicap match, this team of Belo and Mooi look amazing. Frequent tags and flawless execution is what I’m seeing tonight by BACW’s newest tag team!

ED: They look as good as The Beautiful People.

Promo: I have to agree with you there.

Referee: TAG!

Crowd: [BOO!]  

[Into the ring comes Mooi as Ross is starting to get to his feet and Belo once again takes on the roll of distracting the referee. Charging hard, Mooi delivers a big boot to the side of Chris’s head and flopping onto the canvas, Ross spits a bit of blood from his mouth.]

Referee: TAG!

Crowd: [BOO!]

[Back in the ring, Belo walks over to Chris and picking him up, he puts him in a double chicken wing struggling to hold him up in the air.]

Referee: Come on Mooi, get out of ring! 1… 2… 3….

[Still in the squared circle, Mooi comes from the side and nails Chris with a super kick to the side of the ribs. Knocking the wind from Chris’s sails, Ross finally collapses to all fours as a sympathetic crowd tries to get behind him.]

Crowd: Let’s go Chris Ross! [Clap clap clap-clap-clap-clap] Let’s go Chris Ross! [Clap clap clap-clap-clap-clap] Let’s go Chris Ross! [Clap clap clap-clap-clap-clap]  

Promo: These men are trying to not only take Ross’s heads off, but they’re looking to take him out professional wrestling for good!

ED: I still don’t know why Mr. Batee allowed this match to go on as scheduled.

Promo: Because he’s a jerk?

[Back inside the ring, a Mooi spine buster leads to a quick 123 but rolling his shoulders off to the side, Ross forces the referee to continue the bout. Tagging his partner back into the ring here comes a very dominant Belo.]

Promo: Mounted lefts and rights connect and the crowd is now really showing their malcontent for the efforts given by Mooi and Belo. Chris Ross has yet to execute a signal move thus far and there is just no way he’s going to be able to secure a victory tonight here as long as he’s by himself.

ED: Ross is doomed and so is my social life once I have to take your sister out on a date in public; by the way, is she house trained?

Promo: Pile driven into the canvas, I guess I should ask you know, when would you like to pick her up?

ED: Depends on what time the zoo opens?

Promo: Very funny!

[Pulling Ross to his feet by the hair, Belo tosses him into his corner and once again distracting the referee, Mooi is able to wrap the tag rope around Ross’s neck.]

Promo: Come on referee he’s choking him!

ED: Maybe I can take her out on Halloween?

[Turning around, the referee sees Ross being choked and breaking the hold, it gives Chris a small window to drive a back elbow into the face of Mooi. Falling from the apron is Mooi, and as Belo charges, Ross moves out of the way allowing him to crush the referee against the turnbuckle.]

Promo: This is Ross’s time to get this going, but he desperately needs a partner!

PA Speaker System: “It’s all about me D-C-P!”

Crowd: [YEAH!]

[Cue in Megadeath’s “Symphony of Destruction”]

Promo: What the hell? Folks it appears to be the music of Derek Parks, but everyone knows, Parks hates Ross’s guts! First the handicap rules, and now here comes Parks to no doubt cost Ross this match and a chance at BACW gold.

ED: [Talking to himself] Or we can just hang out at my house and I can sell tickets for the world’s scariest haunted house!

Promo: Would you please pay attention!

[Down the isle and diving into the ring it’s Derek Parks who immediately cracks Belo over the head with a slap jack. Belo wobbles around the ring and walking right into a GBU stunner falls back into the arms of a beat up Chris Ross. The Hawaiian hoists up Belo over his shoulders and leaning back, unleashes a brutal wipe out!]

[THUD!]

Crowd: [OH!]

Promo: DCP is dragging the referee from the corner, and everyone in the arena is in complete and utter shocked. Now at ringside is Sarah Richards and I’m completely confused!

ED: The ref looks up through hazy eyes and he sees Ross pinning Belo! Oh my god! I’m not going to have to mess with the Quatch!

Referee: 1… 2…

Promo: Do you believe in miracles?

ED: No but I can see dead people!

Referee: 3!!!

ED: [Slams his head on the desk.] Oh my god that was close!

Promo: Chris Ross has won the match! Ross wins! Ross wins! Ross wins! Ross wins! And Promo, you just avoided yourself a date with my sister!

ED: THANK YOU GOD!!!

[From the back, Sarah Richards grabs the belts from the timekeepers table and climbing into the ring, she and DCP start to celebrate with a nice sloppy kiss. DCP’s hands roam and Sarah’s legs wrap around him like a boa.]  

Promo: Come on Parks there are children in attendance!

[Ding! Ding! Ding!]

Derek: [Breaking the lip lock] Give me the microphone.

ED: Looks like DCP has something to say to a very puzzled Chris Ross. I mean, Parks isn’t Ross’s tag team partner; Kimo Newton is so I’m clear as to why he’s even out here to begin with.

Ross: What are you doing in here!? Give me my belts!

[Parks pauses trying to talk sense into Ross.]

Derek Parks: Hold on a second big fella.

[Parks tosses one of the titles to Ross who’s now slumped in the corner.]

Ross: Fuck you asshole! You just can’t make yourself my partner. Kimo is my partner and if he can’t wrestle, then I’ll defend these titles all by myself! No one asked for your help, now give me the other belt, before I beat it out of you and that anorexic bitch of yours!

Sarah Richards: [Motioning to attack Ross with her nails.] Screw you asshole!

Derek Parks: Relax baby, I got this one.

[Derek chuckles as Richards continues to straddle his leg Paris Hilton style with her hips digging into DCP’s waist.]

Derek Parks: [Throwing the contract to DCP] You’re wrong Ross! This piece of paper signed by Mr. Batee a few minutes ago says I am your partner, and if you don’t like it, you can hand me your portion of the tag team championship right now, and I’ll get my boy Darrius to fill your role.

[Limping to his feet, Ross gets right into DCP face and issues a stern warning.]

Ross: If I have to be your partner fine, but let’s be clear about something shall we?

Derek Parks: You need me Ross!

Ross: When these belts are gone, partner or not, I’m going to take pleasure in beating you to within an inch of your life. When this is over, You’re still dead-meat!

Sarah: At least he has some meat pencil…

Ross: I’ll snap you like a Barbie bitch!

[Breaking up the two, Parks rolls his eyes.]

Derek Parks: Baby/Ross relax! Ross, don’t make promises you know you can’t keep.

[Turning to exit the ring, Sarah gives Ross the middle finger.]

Sarah: See you around Ross and next time, keep an eye on your partner, seems BACW’s backroom has become a very dangerous place.

Ross: The hell is that supposed to mean?

[Raising his belt high in the air to a chorus of boos, Eric Danger and Promo ponder the question of just how these two men are going to get along and work as a team.]

Promo: Through 2006, Chris Ross and Derek Parks brought us one of the most hated feuds in BACW history. Tonight, through dumb luck and odd circumstances, they have found themselves BACW tag team champions. Is it possible that Mr. Batee orchestrated this puppet show from the beginning?

ED: Batee is a crafty owner who often will leave a trail of bread crumbs hoping his intended victim will follow them into his oven. On the other hand, Parks is a genius in the ring and Ross a power house who’s violence is unmatched. IF they can work together, I can’t see anyone in BACW defeating them any time soon beside the former champions.

Promo: All good points and although this match leaves us more questions than it answered, the scaffold has lowered into place, the lights have dim, so let’s go into the back where General Manager Mike Sloan appears to be coming down to ringside for a very special announcement.