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April 1, 2007
Welcome to Kissimmee, Florida!
EWrestling.Org Presents GRINDER IX!
The Grinder - First Blood Cage Match: Entire Roster
Promo: Folks, it’s almost time for our main event to begin, but before we officially start The Grinder, BACW would like bring out our owner, Mr. Batee just one more time, so he can announce this years our induction into our Hall of Fame.
E.D.: As “Welcome to the Jungle” cues up for a second time, Mr. Batee walks slowly down the isle while the fans continue to chant. Slapping hands with some and giving the finger to others, there is only one word that can describe this man and his federation, “brutal”.
[A traditional cup of beer smacks Mr. Batee in his now bald head, and ignoring the assault, he pauses for a brief moment before continuing towards the cage.]
Crowd: Bad Ass Wrestling! Bad Ass Wrestling! Bad Ass Wrestling!
[Like a proud father who has watched his children grow up to be major league baseball players, or a professional football jocks, Mr. Batee enters his rusted ole creation almost choked up by its mere presence.]
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Promo: Once a year this cage is erected and everyone on the roster competes for our top prize. The winner of this match often symbolizes both dedication and toughness, with most winners eventually being inducted into the Hall of Fame. As you can see, Mr. Batee is trying not to allow his emotions get in the way of this announcement.
E.D.: E.D. doesn’t believe it, not for one second! I bet he rubbed paprika in his eyes before he came to the ring!
Promo: The man is emotional E.D. have some compassion.
E.D.: That’s like asking Obsidian to use a toilet. Not happening! Nooo… way!
[Looking into a sea of extreme-o-mania, Mr. Batee closes his eyes, raises his hands to the heavens, and inhales the smell of this cult like atmosphere. The crowd continues to chant and after what seems to be an eternity of gratitude, he looks to speak but the crowd doesn’t let him.]
Crowd: Bad Ass Wrestling! Bad Ass Wrestling! Bad Ass Wrestling!
Promo: I can barely hear myself think! This ovation is deafening!
E.D.: Even E.D. is impressed and that hasn’t happened since I dated that girl without legs.
[Lowering his arms and opens his eyes, Mr. Batee can only have one reaction, and that’s to smile. Nodding his head with approval, he finally bellows into the microphone.]
Mr. Batee: BAAAAAACW!
Crowd: [WHOA!]
Mr. Batee: Have all ya all enjoyed the show so far?
Crowd: [YEAH!] Pop!
Mr. Batee: Well that’s good cus it’s about to get even more EXTREME!!!
Crowd: [WHOA!] Pop!
Mr. Batee: But before I officially start up our Grinder main event, I would like to come out here and announce the newest inductee into our hall of fame. It’s common knowledge that our hall of fame is based on wrestler dedication to BACW and its legacy. In the past, we have rightfully immortalized The Mega Freak and Havok in 1999. In 2000 you voted David Vance in our hall. And, let us not forget that in 2001 Michael “Snake Eyes” Cavenaugh had a bronze stone cast of his image. Add to the list of great, Mexican legend La Sombra and…
Crowd: [Interrupting Batee] Snake! Snake! Snake!
[Panning into the crowd, you see Michael “Snake Eyes” Cavenaugh stand from his guest seat at ringside giving a modest wave.]
Snake Eyes: [Playing to the crowd.] Fuck you! Fuck You! Fuck you! Fuck all of you!
Crowd: [YEAH!]
Mr. Batee: . And in 2005, we official brought Darrel Besolve in our sacred arena of greats.
Crowd: [YEAH!] Pop!
Mr. Batee: Now there is a gap between 2003 and 2004 and the gap exists because although some people believed they belonged in BACW’s Hall of Fame, I couldn’t with a good conscious immortalize certain individuals or their accomplishments here in our stomp hall no matter how significant they think they were.
Promo: I hope he’s not going to ruin this moment by open his closet of skeletons.
Mr. Batee: The Megafreak created memories of dominance.
Crowd: [YEAH!] Freak! Freak! Freak!
Mr. Batee: Havok was our extreme poster child for success!
Crowd: [YEAH!] He’s hardcore! He’s hardcore! He’s hardcore!
Mr. Batee: Vance was the single most dominant wrestler to ever step in the ring!
Crowd: [YEAH!] Mile-high-Monster [clap clap clap-clap-clap] Mile-high-Monster [clap clap clap-clap-clap] Mile-high-Monster [clap clap clap-clap-clap]
Mr. Batee: While Michael “Snake Eyes” Cavenaugh’s legacy is still looked upon by others in awe.
Crowd: Snake! Snake! Snake!
Cavenaugh: [Refuses to stand waving off the fans but thanking them.]
Mr. Batee: I see you people really like him huh?
Crowd: [YEAH!]
Mr. Batee: Well that’s good because I can’t stand him!
Crowd: [Laughter]
Mr. Batee: The Man without Fear Julio DeHoyas gave us an international flare long lost when Spaz Forte lost his mind.
Crowd: Som-bra! Som-bra! Som-bra!
Sombra: [Sitting by Canveaugh lets out a scream] AWWWWWOOO!
Crowd: [YEAH!] POP!
Mr. Batee: And what can you say about Darrel Besolve, the kid who I converted from a traditional boxer, to one of the most successful in ring technicians of all time.
Crowd: DAAAArel! DAAArel! DAAArel!
Mr. Batee: I look upon these men and I thank them for carrying BACW on their backs leaving nothing in their wake but the blueprint to success. I thank them for having compassion for an old man’s mistakes when they clearly didn’t have to. And, I thank them for giving up their lives to BACW… for the purpose of entertaining YOU OUR BACW FANS!!!!
Crowd: [Biggest POP of the Night]
Mr. Batee: [Holding up an envelope] So without future delay I induct into our Hall of Fame…. Our 2006 winner is… “Absolute” Lee Riel!
Crowd: [YEAH!]
Promo: Wow! Lee Riel certainly deserves to be here and looking at the voting, he barely edge Ric Righteous for the honor. Folks, when the mass exodus of WeWA wrestlers began two years ago, it was Lee Riel who stuck by Mr. Batee and Lee Riel who refused to leave Batee’s side. A multi time world champion, Lee Riel is one of the few members in Mr. Batee’s arsenal that has gone outside BACW, and showed dominance outside this ring. What’s wrong Eric?
E.D.: I was robbed!
Promo: You’re joking right?
E.D.: No I’m not, and you can do this show by yourself!
Promo: You’re serious? E.D. But you’re not even a wrestler!
E.D.: E.D. don’t care! E.D. equaled ratings in 2006! Screw Lee Riel!
[Walking out as Lee Riel makes his way down the isle, Eric Danger storms into back as Riel enters the cage to accept his award.]
Crowd: [Still on their feet cheering]
Mr. Batee: Congratulations Lee for not only being our 2006 hall of fame inductee, but for being number one in the Grinder!
Riel: [Smile to shock] What?
Promo: You have to be kidding me!
Mr. Batee: You drew number one Lee, and you know what that means don’t ya? It means unless you are extremely lucky, that award is the only hardware you’re leaving Florida with!
[Furious Riel throws his award into the cage and removing his warm ups, scowls at Batee.]
Riel: [Fists up position] Bring em on!
Mr. Batee: [Looking back at Riel before closing the cage Batee has something else to say.] Oh yes Lee, as your blood spills from your head and you are carried from my Grinder machine… I only have but one request, and that’s you enjoy the brutality!
Promo: Lee Riel is furious and picking up his award, I wonder who’s going to be number 2! Batee has ordered our main event to start so without further delay, here we GO!
[BUZZ!!!]
Stuffher: Drawing number two, Ali Mustfa Jihad!
Promo: Running down the isle with his head covering ducked taped to his head, Ali enters the cage and Riel tosses him the massive plaque!
Riel: Catch!
Ali: [Catching the plaque] HUH?
[Spinning into a Vancanadator Riel misses the move as Ali ducks from harms way. Cranking back the award still in his grasp, Ali attempts to brain Riel but Lee ducks! The award crashes into cage and trusting forward…]
Crowd: OH!
[BUZZ!!!]
Stuffher: Drawing number three, “The Knightmare” Todd Knight!
Crowd: You’re hardcore! You’re hardcore! You’re hardcore!
Promo: Todd Knight has been announced but inside the ring, Ali’s head was just super kicked into cage so hard by Riel, his cut from the Randy Acorn flipping pile driver off the apron has reopened and folks Ali Mustafa Jihad is the first man eliminated from The Grinder!
Ali: [Being forced out of the cage with broken English.] I break you next time Riel! [Hand motion of breaking a stick in half.] Hands off!
Promo: Todd Knight is limping down to the ring all taped up from that hellacious fall he took earlier with Spectre from 30 above and quite frankly, I can’t believe he’s even attempting to get inside the Grinder.
[Gingerly side stepping Ali and gimping into the cage, Riel and Knight lock up in the center of the structure and pushing back and forth, Riel forces Knight into the corner. Hard chop to the chest of Knight brings out the WHOOA-birds and chopping him again, Knight grimaces from the pain. Irish whip by Riel sends Knight into the turnbuckle, but Todd leaps up onto the ropes avoid the impact.]
Promo: Riel closes in from behind and he’s got Knight in chicken fighting position! Knight has his fork! Knight has his fork! Holy Hannible, Knight has a fork!
[Jamming the fork over and over and over again into the forehead of Lee Riel, the Canadian’s forehead begins to spew blood like a faucet and as the capacity crowd looks on in complete shock, Lee Riel’s dream of repeating as Grinder winner has failed.]
Promo: Lee Riel has been eliminated from The Grinder! I don’t know what to say. Knight is inside the ring with that damn bloody fork and he’s taunting the crowd who are now tossing everything that’s nailed to the arena floor at the cage.
Knight: [Licking his fork] SHUT UP WORMS!!!
[BUZZ!!!]
Stuffher: Drawing number four, “The Mile HIGH Monster” David “Obsidian” Vance!
Crowd: [YEAH!] Dave is gonna kill you! Dave is gonna kill you! Dave is gonna kill you!
[Patting a dejected Lee Riel on his blood covered shoulder Vance enters the cage and Knight charges with the fork!]
Promo: Big boot takes Todd off his feet and picking up the fork, Vance holds it up to the crowd.
Crowd: [YEAH!]
Knight: [Crawling backwards into the corner] No no no no no no no no no no!
[Hard boot to the face by Vance stuns Knight and yanking him to his feet…]
Crowd: OH!!!
Promo: OH MY GOD!!!
[Jamming the fork into Todd Knight’s arm, the cruiserweight legend begins to dribble blood from the puncture marks of the wound! Signaling that’s he’s done, David Vance gives the camera a big ugly smile.]
Promo: Todd Knight has been eliminated from the Grinder in brutal fashion and as he exits the cage, listen to these fans show their appreciation for The Knightmare.
Crowd: Thank you Knight! Thank you Knight! Thank you Knight!
Knight: [Scowling back and giving them the Italian salute] SHUT UP!!!
Crowd: BOO!
[BUZZ!!!]
Stuffher: Drawing number five, “Badboy” Randy Acorn!
Promo: It appears Randy Acorn is going to be the next person into the cage and unfortunately for him, the only man who happens to be waiting for him with a bloody fork, it hall of fame veteran Obsidian. Acorn who has his head heavily taped needs to be careful because one hard shot could end his dreams of becoming Grinder winner.
[Cautiously stepping into the cage, Acorn skirts the perimeter looking for an opening but Vance shakes his head as Acorn tries to persuade him to drop the fork. Tossing it to the side, Randy jumps into a collar tie and Vance delivers a knee to the midsection stopping Acorn dead in his tracks! Looping his arm over his head, David aches back into the cage unloading with a powerful vertical suplex!]
[CLANG! THUD!]
Acorn: UGH!
[THUMP!]
Promo: OH! Acorn slides down the cage and hitting the canvas, the referee checks to see if his cut has bled through the bandages from the impact of the cage.
Referee: [Looking in close] No blood, continue wrestling!
[Hard downward stomps to chest of Acorn and picking Randy up by the hair, Acorn goes into a football sled push! Vance trips over Lee Riel’s hall of fame plaque and driving Vance into the cage, Acorn uses his position to unleash a textbook back waist suplex!]
Crowd: OH!
[BUZZ!!!]
Promo: Obsidian crashes onto the logo struggling for breath, and it appears… Oh no! Look who it is now!
Stuffher: Drawing number six, “Krazy” Chris Ross!
[Down the isle and getting into the cage with water dripping from his head, Ross immediately kicks Obsidian in the head.]
Promo: Hard knee to the nose of Vance and folks, Chris Ross seems to be on a mission to eliminate the mile high monster. Lifting David up by his bald head, Ross gets him into wipe out position… but NO… Acorn with a chop block from behind and with both men injured, Randy appears to be in a very good position.
[Pulling Ross’s weakened leg up by the ankle; Acorn slams the limb into the canvas. Again! Again! Again! Vance looks up and Acorn drops an elbow onto his head keeping the big man in la la land.]
[BUZZ!!!]
Promo: Randy Acorn is looking good, but depending on whom the next person is, his hopes of winning tonight’s Grinder might not be too good.
Stuffher: Drawing lucky number seven, Particle Man!
Promo: Particle Man is climbing the cage and folks…. Randy Acorn doesn’t know what to make of this strategy. I mean, there’s no top to this structure but being up there has to be very dangerous.
Crowd: [Starts to stir]
Promo: Wait a minute folks, wait a damn minute. Chris Ross has limped into the upright position and he sees Particle Man trying to get to the top of the cage.
Ross: [Throwing Acorn to the side] Get out of my way!
[CLANG!]
Acorn: OH!
[THUMP!]
Crowd: OH!
Promo: Ross just pushed a distracted Acorn through the cage door and I’m not sure if Randy is bleeding or not.
[Looking through the mesh, Particle Man says something to Ross, and suddenly the Hawaiian snaps. Bouncing off the opposite side of the ropes, the cage rocks back and forth and hurling himself into the panel, Ross dislodges section of the cage and people start to scatter.]
Promo: Particle Man is coming down with the section of the cage and holy crap, he’s coming my way!!! I better get out of here!
[CRASH!]
Particle Man: AAAH!
[CRAAACK!]
Particle: UGHNA!
[THUD!]
Particle Man: UGH!
Crowd: [YEAH!!!!!] Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!
Promo: Oh….. My…. GOD! The side of the cage that Particle Man was climbing has collapsed thanks to a Chris Ross spear, the superhero has gone through my announcer’s table from 15 feet in the air, and this crowd is stunned! The blood is now raining down Particle Man’s chest from a nasty gash that must be from hitting my monitor and folks…
[BUZZ!!!]
Promo: I don’t believe it, but we are adding in yet another wrestler!
Stuffher: Drawing number eight, “Beast Master” Orge Lambart!
Promo: Inside the ring, Vance finally is staggering to his feet and he looks completely in awe of what just happened. Randy Acorn is crawling up the stairs trying to get back into what’s left of the cage and Chris Ross is out cold on top of this section of steel.
[As the medical team frantically tries to free Particle Man from his tomb of horror, Orge Lambart has just slammed the broken door closed on Randy Acorn’s head eliminating him from the Grinder. Climbing into the ring, Lambart cracks his knuckles and charges a dazed Vance.]
Promo: The two men are slugging it out in the center of the ring with the fresher Lambart getting the better of the exchange. Boot to the stomach of an exhausted Vance and jamming his head between his thighs, Orge unleashes his crown of thorns finisher on Lee Riel’s hall of fame award!
Obsidian: [Leg shakes]
Promo: Is Vance done?
Referee: [Look in] No blood! Vance is still in the match!
[BUZZ!!!]
Promo: Orge pulls Vance up by the hair and he’s going for another pile driver! David powers through the move and flipping through the missing section of the cage, Lambart is dumped in the place as Chris Ross’s unconscious body!
Stuffher: Drawing number nine, “Evil” Sam “God Damn” Natas!
Crowd: [YEAH!]
[Rumbling down the isle with his sledge hammer in hand, Natas quickly surveys the carnage and getting into the ring with Vance, the evil one charges with the sledge hammer over his head!]
Promo: OH! Vance with a spear slams Natas into the corner turnbuckle but Sam is too fresh for Obsidian to really injure him. Sledge hammer handle to the back brings David to his knees and ramming the sledge into his forehead, the blood squirts from Obsidian’s forehead eliminating him from the Grinder!
[Falling to both knees as a pool of blood forms under his body, Obsidian collapses and Natas goes hunting for either Chris Ross or Lambart. Exiting the cage, Natas drags his sledge hammer over to Ross and looking to end the Hawaiian’s dream of winning BACW’s Heavyweight title, Sam pounds the sledge onto Ross, but Chris blocks the hammer shot with his hands.]
Ross: [Angry] NO!
Promo: Ross yanks the sledge hammer from Sam’s hands and sitting up in exorcist fashion, Natas looks shocked!
[Ross pushes Sam backwards with the sledge and snapping Sam’s most prize possession in half, Chris Ross charges off the fallen section of the cage with fire in his eyes. Big boot counter by Natas spins Ross to all fours and taking a running start, Natas football kicks Ross in the face with his blood stained combat boots.]
Crowd: [YEAH!] You’re hardcore! You’re hardcore! You’re hardcore!
Promo: Digging the jagged piece of wood into the forehead of Chris Ross, the evil one opens up a gapping wound in the Hawaiian’s forehead. Stabbing the broken piece of his sledge hammer over and over and over again into Ross’s forehead, Chris’s flesh has been torn to shreds! I think I’m going to sick!
Stuffher: Drawing number ten, “Superstar” Alec Ace!
Promo: The curtain is not moving and folks I’m not sure what to make of this.
Stuffher: Again, drawing number ten, “Superstar” Alec Ace!
Promo: Give me a second folks, I have just been told in my headset, that Alec Ace refuses to come out and participate in this first blood match because he doesn’t want his face scarred? Is this right? I don’t think this has ever been done, the chance to become the number one dog in BACW is tonight, and for him to say thanks but no thanks is crazy!
[Still choking the hell out of Chris Ross, until he passes out, Natas rolls back into the ring when the buzzer sounds for the final time.]
[The lights go out at the sound of the buzzer, indicating that it could be one and only one person.]
[BUZZ!!!]
Stuffher: The final person to enter tonight’s Grinder, drawing number eleven, The Spectre!
[The crowd begins a frenzy of cheers as "Memphisto" by Depeche Mode kicks in, which only excites the crowd even more. A dim purple glow fills the arena along with a looming ominous fog as Spectre, along with Johnnny the hyena, and Devon Lynch step from behind the curtain.]
Promo: Spectre staggers toward the broken up cage and believe it or not, he is wearing a rubber skin diver's head hood, exposing only the front of his face! Sporting a long sleeve purple shirt, and black rubber gloves, on the front of his shirt are the words "DON'T BLAME ME FOR YOUR DEFEAT...", and on the back are the words "...BLAME ME FOR YOUR BROKEN NECK!"!
[He carefully gets right up to the cage where it has collapsed and instead of chaining the hyena to the post, he releases Johnny into the cage.]
Promo: Johnny immediately sinks his teeth into Vance’s wrestling boot, and jerking left to right, David is awoken to the attack of a rabid animal. What the hell is wrong with you Spectre?! That’s a wild animal!
[Obsidian kicks Johnny with his free leg and running to the back with his tail tucked between his legs, Johnny is no longer a factor. Rolling from the cage, Obsidian holds his ankle in pain eventually making his way up the ramp and into the back. Spectre holds up Devon's Texas Highway 852 sign and tries to assault Natas!]
Promo: Sam takes the blow to the head but fights back with ½ a sledge hammer, but the Spectre's rubber mask stops the blood from escaping!
[Both men go down to the canvas with their respective weapons trying to draw blood when suddenly, Devon Lynch is seen putting electric clamps on the cage.]
Promo: Oh no, hey Devon, are you electrifying the cage?
[With Orge finally moving and not bleeding on the outside, Spectre rakes eyes of Sam and handcuffing Natas to the cage, he tells Devon to turn on the machine!]
Devon: Fire in the hole!
[ZAAAAPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
Crowd: [NO!]
Natas: [Shaking from the voltage] AAAAAAHHHHHH!
[BOOM!]
Crowd: [OH!]
Natas: [Dropping limp still cuffed to the cage.]
Crowd: Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!
Promo: The electric surge is strong enough to draw blood from Sam’s mouth and thank heavens the machine is no longer working! Into what’s left of this mangled steel cage comes Orge Lambart, and hold the phone, because either Orge Lambart is going to win BACW’s championship, or it’s going back to the Spectre! We are down to two men left in our Grinder main event, the crowd is rumbling in place, and here we GO! Folks, It’s been a hell of a battle but we are down to two men, both of whom have lost their respective championship tonight and as Spectre limps into the center of the logo, Lambart joins him going nose to nose.
[Spectre is the first to fire off a punch, but Lambart counters with a rake of the eyes! Boot the stomach of the former champion and look out, UFC style knee lift knocks Spectre flat on his big ass! Lambart quickly closes in pulling Spectre from the canvas, and tossing him into the opposite nylon, Spectre goes up and over courtesy of a back body drop! Landing on the hall of fame award, Spectre holds his back in pain and Orge has the broken piece of sledge! Climbing up the turnbuckle and measuring up his opponent, Lambart tries to end it with one crushing sledge shot!]
Promo: NO! Spectre gets up the boot under Orge’s chin falling backwards, Sledge lands right on Orge’s head! Looking in the referee makes his official call. No blood is the call and boy is Orge Lambart lucky!
[Standing leg drop across the throat of Orge by the former champion keeps Lambart on the canvas, and Spectre appears to be thinking about a high risk maneuver. Up to the second turnbuckle and leaping into the air, Orge rolls from harms way and Spectre misses the leg drop from the top. Lambart does a kip up and pointing to the highway sign brought into the ring by Spectre, look out Lambart is calling for his crown of thorns pile driver! If he hits this, it’s over…. The lights have come back on, and my God, that means the electrified cage has been turned back on! Back body drop sends Orge into the electrified fence and OH! That had to hurt badly! Spectre has regained control over the match and picking Lambart over his head, Spectre gorilla press slams him outside the ring and onto the toppled section of fencing that’s being supported by what’s left of my announcer’s table.]
Promo: Spectre picks up his highway sign and tucking it under his arm, the purple haired freak begins to climb the cage. Spectre is going for it all and for such a massive man to be climbing this already shaky structure, either Spectre’s going to regain his championship, or Orge Lambart is going to shock the world!
[With on hand on the top of the cage, and the sign under his other arm, Spectre releases free falling downward towards Orge.]
[THUD!!!]
Promo: OH M GOD!!!! The sign smashes into Orge’s face, and recoiling back into Spectre’s, the blood begins to flow from both men! It all happened so fast? I don’t think I can tell who won!? The crowd has gone completely nuts after seeing Spectre risk his life and the life of Orge Lambart for their extreme pleasure! The referee apparently saw what happened because into the cage comes Michael Stuffher with our official announcement.
Stuffher: Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the 2006 Grinder, because he was last to bleed, and NEW Bad ASS Championship Wrestling Heavyweight champion! “The Sadistic Nut” The Spectre!
Promo: Out cold with blood covering his face is the spectre who not only fell 30 feet from a scaffold through a series of tables, but some how some way managed to escape The Grinder with the championship he lost just a few hours ago. Tonight we saw titles change hands, feuds ended, others started, and a new wrestler inducted into our hall of fame. I was honored to be your host for the evening, so as we wrap up another BACW calendar year, I’m the promo machine saying good night from Kissiimmee Florida, and congratulations to our brand new BACW, Heavyweight champion!
End PPV
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