|
|
[Fading from the Federal Government warning label and going directly from complete silence to absolute mayhem, the gigantic “S16” logo bursts into flames and as the fireworks engulf the entire perimeter, the cameras rocket in and out giving you a few diverse shots of the cult like atmosphere.]
Crowd: Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling! Bad ASS Wrestling!
[The ring posts catch fire and as crackling pyrotechnics loop the lighting high above the ring, a full-size boom cues in the announcers for the evening. Sitting back you say to yourself, can you believe it’s time to start the second round of the tournament already? Yes fans, it’s time for Sinister 16 to commence!]
Paul Prominski: Hello everyone I’m Paul Prominski aka The Promo Machine, and alongside me tonight calling the action is “Easy” Eric Danger!
ED: Like death and taxes, the only thing you can be guaranteed of with Easy “E” at the microphone is that no one’s going to get a free ride!
Promo: After that first round, I don’t think anyone’s trying to get a free ride! Welcome everyone to Sinister 16… We are coming to you live from Madison Square Garden located right here in Midtown New York! As you all know by now, Darrel Besolve has advanced to face Alec Ace in a match that could very well see The Superstar finally taking out one of BACW’s top tier wrestlers.
ED: [Point to the camera] Besolve is a pussy and although I recognize all the mumbo-jumbo going on here about the loss of his daughter, Darrel needs to man up and simply get over it!
Promo: Get over it? His infant daughter died E.D.!
ED: [Shrugs] E.D. don’t care.
Promo: I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that…
ED: [Creating an awkward silence.] …
Promo: [Shuffling his papers in disgust.] Right below Besolve verses Ace it’s the GBU stunner against the Particle Bomb when Derek Parks goes one on one with Particle Man, and tonight, Universe Man will be banned from ringside!
ED: Last time they tried to cage that fat bastard, Particle Man ended up giving the match away because of his stupid goodie two shoes ways. Besides, Universe Man is a bumbling idiot who just messes things up any way.
Promo: Predictions?
ED: The little bastard squeaks through to the next round.
Crowd: [POP!]
Promo: Moving into the bottom bracket will Orge Lambart be able to overcome someone like Ryan Rhodes?
ED: I used to love Lambart when he was dirty and foul, but with all this talk of being good and doing the right thing, I would much rather see him set on fire and pissed on.
Promo: E.D! Are you crazy?! You can’t say that!
ED: [Shrugs] E.D. don’t care!
Promo: That is certainly apparent!
ED: My take on the match is this, I can’t overlook the fact that Rhodes was knocked out cold by The Scottish Clansman early and with his series of head injures, if Ryan relapses, he’s going to drop his first “L” into the loss column tonight.
Promo: In another quarterfinal bout, Handsome Mike tries to establish himself as a singles wrestler by going up against the former heavyweight champion; The Spectre. It’s going to be a great night for…
ED: [Interrupting Paul] You didn’t want my prediction for the last match?
Promo: [Rolling his eyes] Sure… What’s your prediction E.D.?
ED: Who’s wrestling again?
Promo: [Paper flying from his hands.] ARGHH!!!! [Slams hand on desk] Ryan Rhodes against Orge Lambart!!
ED: [Giddy up position] I’m going to ride Rhodes just like I did your momma last night.
[Slap!] [Slap!] [Slap!]
Promo: [Deep breath] You know there’s something wrong with you right?
ED: [Pulling on his collar] Slightly.
Promo: I wasn’t going to give my opinion on the last quarterfinals match but…
[BOOM!]
ED: [Fists up] JESUS!
Promo: I hate when you do that!
ED: [Reaching down there] I think I just wet myself.
[As “Just like You Imagined” by Nine Inch Nails hits the PA system, a grotesque male suddenly emerges from the back wearing what appears to be the attire of a Spartan warrior. A close up view tells us the man’s face is scared and the tissue although alive, looks dead. A shield and a sword hang from both sides. Now at this side, two more men dressed exactly like him come out from the curtains.]
Promo: What the hell is going on?
ED: I feel like I’m in a Trojan commercial! Where does Batee find these guys!?
[The lead grabs the microphone as the other two slides into the ring pointing their swords at the nearest ring official.]
Promo: Could this be the masked freak?
ED: If he was masked, how would we know Paul?
Promo: Shut up!
ED: [Snickers]
Man: I have terrorized BACW for months and made the preference to not be evidence for my true self; I am concealed yet entirely visible. My scars portray my battles. My family summed up with a tear. In our day, I waited for the ideal opportunity to disclose my two warriors. By God’s grace, I will direct them to conflict and conquest!
Crowd: [BOO!]
Man: I am Exuwa, leader of my people.
[Exuwa pulls out his red white and blue mask and hands it to one of the sword brandishing men at his side.]
Exuma: From this day forth, BACW will bleed the blood of a thousand souls. Each one of those souls will be reincarnated. All of you fans will be reincarnated!
Crowd: Ass-hooole! Ass-hooole! Ass-hooole!
Exuma: The era for Exuma to be unleashed on BACW has drawn closer. Let God show leniency on your souls!
Crowd: [BOO!]
Promo: [In the background] I want to yell sword fight so bad!
ED: You might be the only person in BACW with negative man points right now.
[Moving into the corner, Exuwa sneers into the camera.]
Exuwa: Take the struggle to the crowd boys, leave no man, woman, or child untouched! It’s time for my army to cultivate. Today, we demonstrate that we are the only people that can save BACW.
[Exuwa rallies around the ring laughing as his men summon a few people from the crowd to accompany them into the back.]
Exuwa: Observe! Look at them flock to my side. Mr. Batee can do nothing! The fans can do nothing! The wrestlers most certainly won’t be able to do anything! The only thing left for me to do now is show my hideous face.
ED: Sounds like your last date Promo!
Promo: Screw you Eric!
ED: [Scary fingers] OOOOOOHH!
[Exuwa slowly removes the helmet looking away from the camera. Scars can be seen leaving the side of his face extending along his jaw line. Sweeping across the madness that once appeared human; you notice the left side of his face brandishes a hole leading into his mouth.]
Promo: What the [BLEEP!]
ED: And I thought Chris Ross looked bad! Forget about falling from the ugly tree, this guy is the whole damn hierarchy!
[The crowd recoils in horror as Exuwa looks up and smiles at the announcers before placing his helmet back on. Exiting the ring, we aren’t really sure what he has in store for BACW or its wrestlers but we are most certainly going to find out.]
Promo: As freak-zilla heads up the ramp, I don’t know what to say. I mean, I hear the guy talking, but I haven’t a clue as to what the hell he’s saying! Plus that face is completely grotesque!
ED: Who care what he saying, or what he looks like… The only thing I’ve been watching is that piece of ass he just recruited!
Promo: I’m not surprised Eric. Folks, speaking of asses…
ED: [Making a fist] Watch it Paul, I collected ears in Nam!
[Paul covers his free ears side glancing Eric Danger.]
Continue Show
|
